Kim Jong-il

[speaking Korean, with voice over translating to English] People of North Korea, it is your dear leader Kim Jong-il, world's greatest golfer and movie director and best man at Tom Brady's wedding. As we all know, the decadent Western journalist-spy Laura Ling left us because she can't party as hard as we can. I know, right? But now, another American reporter has come to North Korean because it's awesome and we have enough food. Her name is Avery Jessup and like me, her hair is blonde. [North Koreans saluting]