Jack

[to video recorder] My son. You may not remember me. I am your father. This message is coming to you either from beyond the grave, or because I am in the grip of insanity. The purpose of these DVDs is to educate and guide you through life in my absence. I will begin with our shared history. The Donaghy's originally come from Ireland's County Steve, where historically we were whisky testers and goblins. I was raised in Sadchester, Massachutches. I won the Amory Blaine Handsomeness scholarship to Princeton, and then attended Harvard Business School where I was voted "Most." I once hit a stand up triple off Fidel Castro. I was the first person even to say "I need a vacation from this vacation." The song "You're So Vain" was in fact written by me. In other words I have lived. In living I have learned. And now I want to impart that knowledge to you. I will begin with the basics. You are hiking in the Japanese highlands. A pair of snow leopards is stalking you and the blade of your katana is frosted into it's scabbard.