Robert De Niro

We'll always remember where we were when we heard that tornado had hit a handgun factory. Two days ago when people thought of a mudslide they just thought of getting drunk in an Applebee's, but now we know it as the thing that destroyed Denver. When the birds first started attacking us we all thought it was pretty funny and made Hitchcock jokes, but we're laughing now because our laughter excites the birds sexually. This devastating wildfire... This horrible flood... This wonderful flood that put out that devastating wildfire... These super-intelligent sharks...