30 Rock Quotes

Jack - Season 5 | Episode: 19 I Heart Connecticut | Scene: Jack's Plan In Action
I'm an eleven, but continue.

Season 5 Quotes

Every Episode of Season 5 has been quoted! more

Dotcom For President!

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30 Rock's Everything Sunny All The Time Always was episode 22 of Season 5. Check out the newly transcribed 102nd episode by 30 Rock Quotes Click Here

Kim Jong-il: You call yourself a salesman you son of a bitch?
Tracy: I don't have to listen to this.
Kim Jong-il: No, you don't, man. Cuz the good news is you're fired! Oh, have I got your attention now?
Tracy: The leads are weak!
Kim Jong-il: The leads are weak!? YOU'RE weak! Luke, I am your father! Ghostbusters! Let's go, black partner.

Episode 22 Everything Sunny All The Time Always Quotes Are Here! more

30 Rock's Respawn was the 23th episode of Season 5. The transcript is quoted and ready to go! This is the 103rd episode of 30 Rock! Click Here

Dr. Spaceman: All right, now that the popsicle's melted we've got ourselves a tongue depressor.
Liz: I wanted you to look at these cold sores. I get them when I'm stressed out.
Dr. Spaceman: Ah they're nothing to be ashamed of. I get them from prostitutes.
Liz: I just had a hard couple months. Work has been crazy and I went through a bad breakup and then there was this plastic bag that represented my death.
Dr. Spaceman: Sounds like you could use a little R&R. Rum and Ritalin.
Liz: Actually I was hoping you'd just have an ointment for my mouth.
Dr. Spaceman: Gross.
Liz: Cuz I'm dealing with the stress thing. Over the break I'm renting a cottage out in the Hamptons. There's just four things I want to do this summer: be outdoors, wear shapeless clothing, do some mindless activity like gardening, and learn Spanish.
Dr. Spaceman: There are four things I want to do this summer, but they're roommates so it's tricky. All right, here's a prescription for your cold sores and here's a blank one for the weekend. Now one final thing. Why aren't you wearing pants?

Episode 23 named "Respawn" Quotes Are Here! more

Jack Donaghy Top 30 Rock Quotes
The Beeper King. Really? Does he know you're the Beeper King?
Tracy Morgan Top 30 Rock Quotes
So Here's some advice I wish I would've got when I was your age: Live every week, like it’s "shark week".
Liz Lemon Top 30 Rock Quotes
Yeah, suck it. I do read the paper!

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Season 5
Dr. Spaceman
Sounds like you could use a little R&R. Rum and Ritalin.
Saving...
Episode 22:	Respawn
Scene:	Cold Sores

Rated Quotes by The Fans
Pos.	Quote	Rating
1	Avery Oh, uh, mmm. [reads card] "Happy Holidays... is what terrorists say. Merry Christmas. Avery and Jack."	5
2	Jack A parent is the one person who is supposed to make their kid think they can do anything. Says they're beautiful even when they're ugly. Thinks they're smart even when they go to Arizona State. Let the rest of the world tear your kid down. Your job is to support him no matter what. Tracy believes in you, Donald. Go and make him proud.	5
3	Kenneth And Mr. Jordan himself said, ''Don't let no one in who's not on the list 'cause this mess is gonna get raw like sushi.'' So haters to the left.	5
4	Liz What? Dealbreaker: The Book for You Man No Good. ''By Lesbian Yellow-Sour-Fruit.''	5
5	Kenneth Well I have to work. Now that the crew is gone I like to give everything a good spring cleaning, starting in the bathroom. There's a lot of drawings of Miss Maroney eating celery that men are giving to her with their hips.	5
6	Tracy If i start screaming in my sleep do NOT wake me up. I will attack you. [starts snoring] YAAAAA! WAKE ME UP! FREE FROM THIS! [snores] LAAAAHHHH HA!	5
7	Dr. Spaceman Other doctor? That's my brother Randy. Tomorrow he's going to jail for the rest of his life. Good one, Randy! Hey you want to go to Taco Bell for lunch?	5
8	Dr. Spaceman There are four things I want to do this summer, but they're roommates so it's tricky. All right, here's a prescription for your cold sores and here's a blank one for the weekend. Now one final thing. Why aren't you wearing pants?	5
9	Jack Ah.	5
10	Liz All right, Cheesy Blasters! ♪ You take a hot dog. Stuff it with some jack cheese. Fold it in a pizza. You've got Cheesy Blasters ♪ And then, all the kids say, ''Thanks, Meat Cat!'' And then, Meat Cat flies away on his, um... skateboard.	5
11	Liz This better be important, Jack. I was in the middle of bidding on a bag of bras on eBay.	5
12	Kenneth Hello! I'm a baby!	5
13	Jack Do you know what the business model works in the entertainment industry? Make ten shows and hope that one of them works. We produce more failed pilots than the French air force.	5
14	Jenna Jennas-side. Jennas-side. I'm not hearing it, Liz.	5
15	Liz [pulls old man in front of her] You'll have to go through this old bastard first!	5
16	Tracy Of course, friend. Teamwork is the key to success.	5
17	Liz Tracy, I need you to do something.	5
18	Tracy I had another freaky ''Kenmare''.	5
19	Jack Okay, in my defense, every April 22nd I honor Richard Nixon's death by getting drunk and making some unpopular decisions.	5
20	Jack All right, Donaghy. Follow your heart. Hard Equations And Rational Thinking. Damn you, HEART.	5
21	Jack That would be a mistake, Lemon. Yes, you are the sexual equivalent of a million Hindenburgs, but you deserve someone like Carol in your life, and he deserves you becuase -- and I'm only going to say this once a decade -- you're great. You're Liz Lemon, dammit. In certain lights you're an "eight," using East Coast Over Thirty-Five standards, excluding Miami.	5
22	Dr. Spaceman Guaranteed to end erectile dysfunction, these are the sweet sounds of Dr. Leo Spaceman's "Love Storm." An ultra-strength audio re-boneulator.	5
23	Dr. Spaceman Erectile dysfunction. It's not just a dog problem anymore. It also effects millions of men. I'm "Doctor" Leo Spaceman. For too long, erectile dysfunction has been viewed as a physical problem, and it's been treated with pills and ointments and contraptions whose straps break all too easily. But couldn't the real cause of E.D. be that we haven't produced a good "doing it" song since "Close The Door" by Teddy Pendergrass? That's why I recorded an album.	5
24	Tracy Yo, me Toofer and Frank are going to be writing my book all day long, and I think my snake is sick. So I need you to go out to my car and rub his belly until he poops.	5
25	Tracy So Here’s some advice I wish I would’ve got when I was your age: Live every week, like it’s "shark week".	5
26	Tracy Cause I’m gonna drop truth bombs. You know how pissed of I was when US weekly said I was on crack? That’s racist. I’m not on crack. I’m straight up mentally ill!	5
27	Pete We own K-Mart now?	5
28	Tracy ''Tom Cruise,'' 'cause that's how Oprah says it. ''To-o-o-o-o-m !''	5
29	Liz Yeah, that's the guy that plays the ragtime songs about politics.	5
30	Jack Remarkable people, the Blacks -- musical, very athletic, not very good swimmers. Again, l'm talking about the family. Black is African-American, though.	5
31	Jack Well, this would have proved my mother wrong, saying that ''Donaghy'' is Gaelic for ''failure.'' What the hell does she know? She's a Murphy -- bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists.	5
32	Tracy Don't go, Liz Lemon ! There's still an after-after- after-after-after party! l just got to take my kids to soccer first! Hey, whose roof is this?	5
33	Jack Those are the stupidest fist names l've ever heard.	5
34	Jack When l think of all the things that l've been holding inside me that l wanted to say to you ! Well, now l'm gonna let St. Patrick and St. Michael do my talking for me!	5
35	Jack Ah, it was for a couple of lousy months. Big deal. l had sex with your prom date.	5
36	Kenneth Miss Lemon, your mini-fridge is still in your office. You made a promise to Masi Oka. ''Conserve electricity. Don't be a zero. Be a good guy.'' Why doesn't that say ''hero''? That feels like a real missed opportunity.	5
37	Liz As I have told you many times during our relationship, no one gets that reference.	5
38	Dotcom I feel angry! Like Warren Moon must have felt back in 1995!	5
39	Tracy That's why my life is not like The Cosby Show. I only have boys. And boys are disgusting! I need a baby girl. Don't patronize me! Stop laughing! It's not funny! I need a baby girl! Don't slit my vas deferens!	5
40	Liz Oh, brother, are they actually going to do something this year? Or are they just going to put that stupid green peacock in the corner of the screen?	5
41	Liz IT!!!!!!!! Oh, I'm sorry, is it too much drama? You remind me of my father and my boyfriend! Ugh, are you listening to me? Because if you're not, I will put on a wedding dress and jump in front of a subway!	5
42	Kenneth Well, let's see. Minka Kelly says, ''My show is about football. There is a football team called the Chargers. Unplug your chargers.''	5
43	Jack Two questions. Must I live by Superman's moral code? And will the sex woman get older?	5
44	Danny All right, hosers. I want all 1 2 of us fighting for every meter on all three downs. And we're going to make this a Boxing Day the Prime Minister will never forget.	5
45	Liz I do, I bought an Activia microwaveable panini.	5
46	Liz We don't know anything about him. I don't think his real name is Partybot. I don't know what he looks like. I don't know what he talks like. I certainly don't know if he can act.	5
47	Jack No we aren't. I was wrong. Condi tried, but Avery plus freedom equals... frowny face.	5
48	Liz I did it, Jack. I got the bag. You were right. No matter how much the gate is strait, or who punishes the scrolls, I am the captain of my holes! Or whatever. We are in control!	5
49	Avery Jack! Oh thank God. I forgot the US country code but then I remembered it's number 1!	5
50	Liz You know what, Mr. Bag? I WILL have a nice day! I'm going to hang you in your kitchen and fill you with other bags. You will eat your family!	5

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Re-experience the complete fifth season of the Primetime Emmy® and Golden Globe® Award-winning comedy 30 Rock, Primetime Emmy®, Golden Globe® and SAG® Award winner Tina Fey stars as showrunner Liz Lemon and Primetime Emmy®, Golden Globe® and SAG® Award winner Alec Baldwin is corporate executive Jack Donaghy in this behind-the-scenes romp about sketch show "TGS;".

The 30 Rock mug - Liz and Jack Convo quote - in white with black lettering lets everyone know you're a 30 Rock fan who has a special spot in his heart for arrogant Jack Donaghy. From 30 Rock season 1, episode 8 "Tracy Does Conan," the quote reads, Liz - "Why are you wearing a tux?" Jack - "It's after six. What am I, a farmer?"