30 Rock Quotes

Preparing for Tracy


	Liz:	I thought Tracy was getting here at noon
	Jack:	Movie stars move at their own pace, Liz. We have to accommodate them.
	Liz:	Yeah, well, a lot of people are still upset about Tracy joining the show.
	Jack:	That’s not my problem, I have a lot of things on my plate. You hear about that chemical factory explosion outside Colorado Springs?
	Liz:	No.
	Jack:	Good.
	Liz:	I just think when it comes to this whole Tracy thing, it's best to tread lightly.
	Jack:	No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! It's just us. Lemon, to tread lightly is your job. My job is to keep Tracy Jordan happy. Girls, girls, girls, let's save it for Mr. Jordan.

Studio Tour


	Kenneth:	Studio 6H is where we do "The Girlie Show" Did y'all see Tracy Jordan make a special appearance the other night? Wasn't that exciting? That is what we in the show business like to call a cameo. Hey, this is the star of "The Girlie Show", Jenna Maroney!
	Jenna:	Hi. Thank you.
	Tracy:	How you feel, NBC tour? 'Cause you look good, like a solid gold candy bar.

Just Jenna


	Jack:	Where else do you have those piercings on your body?
	Man:	This is it, everybody. Here he comes.
	Jack:	No, no, no, no! Stop, stop, stop, stop. It’s only Jenna.
	Man:	All right it's just Jenna.
	Jack:	How you doing, Jenna?

Talking Tracy


	Toofer:	Okay, I mean, granted, Tracy Jordan has some commercial appeal, but within his remunerative body of work, there's just nothing of value.
	Frank:	What are you talking about? Did you ever see his stand up?
	Tracy:	Give up the butt, ladies. Give up the butt!
	Man:	This is it. I mean it. Here he comes!
	Toofer:	He's an imbecile.
	Pete:	Well, he's our imbecile now. I’m surprised he’s still got his shirt--oh, there it goes.

Do not look at him in the eye


	Tracy:	Jack! Haha! Oh my goodness! Good to see you again brother! it’s good to see you again.
	Jack:	Oh, that is fantastic. You’ll have to teach me that handshake one day. Tracy, If there's anything you need, anything, you come to me.
	Tracy:	Jack, man, you know I’m the kid. I’m easy like Sunday morning. Don’t look at me. Do not look at me in the eyes.
	Jack:	Do not look at Mr. Jordan. Do not look at him in the eye.
	Jack:	Just look away. Look away.

Tracy Meets The Writers


	Liz:	Tracy, this is our producer, Pete.
	Tracy:	Hey, you smoke weed, right Pete?
	Pete:	uh...no.
	Tracy:	Me neither. Me and you Pete, me and you.
	Jack:	Pete, good to see you.
	Pete:	Is it? Oh. Good. Good to see you too, cause that means I’m not fired anymore. I wasn’t going to mention that. But I did, and now I’m talking about it.
	Jack:	Relax your balls Pete.
	Jack:	Hey, everybody. Tracy Jordan's here.
	Tracy:	Don’t just sit there, come here and give me some sugar.
	Cerie:	No thank you.
	Tracy:	Well if you ever want to piss off your parents, you come see me.
	Jack:	Right this way Tracy. This is Tim Grandy, he’s from Bowie, Maryland. Rachel Bey, she just got engaged. Josh Girard, he got a 760 on his SATs, graduated form SUNY Cortland. Frank Rossitano has every copy of Black Tail Magazine ever published. J.D. Lutz, thyroid problem. James Spurlock, we call him Toofer, 'cause with him you get a two for one, he’s a black guy and a Harvard guy. And of course you know Lemon.
	Liz:	How did you do that?
	Jack:	It’s my job.
	Jack:	Jared from set design. Wally--cuecards. Rupert Murdoch. Melinda Gates. Ziggy from the cartoon "Ziggy". Anthony Pellicano. Heidi Klum. The guy that sleeps with Heidi Klum.
	Jack:	This man's a genius.
	Tracy:	Let me just say, I’m excited to be here. It’s an honor for you to meet me. I’ve got a lot of characters I’m ready to bust out. I got a character named Biscuit. Write that up. Got another character named Rolando, who’s a two foot tall Spanish Hustler. Glasses, I want you to write that one. Got another character named Ching Chong, who loves to play ping pong. I just made that up right now. 'Cause that's how I flow.Now, I’m up for anything.
	Josh:	Well I thought me and you could play Seinfeld and Bill Cosby.
	Tracy:	No. I don’t like that.

Jenna Worried


	Liz:	How you doing?
	Jenna:	There is no way I am working with that guy. Do you know that he once got arrested for walking naked through LaGuardia? And that he once fell asleep on Ted Danson’s roof?
	Liz:	Yeah, Tracy has some mental health issues.
	Jenna:	He bit Dakota Fanning on the face.
	Liz:	When you hear his version, she was kind of asking for it.
	Jenna:	I-I can't even believe that you are doing this to me.
	Liz:	Listen, I understand that this is tough for you, but what did I tell you?
	Jenna:	Not to freak out?
	Liz:	Right, and what else?
	Jenna:	Stop falling in love with gay guys?
	Liz:	About this.
	Jenna:	That you're looking out for me, but it doesn't seem --
	Liz:	Jenna, I'm your friend. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, okay? The show is called "The Girlie Show" and you are the girl. Nothing is gonna change that.
	Jenna:	Okay.

TGS?


	Jack:	Glaub mir. Dieser Advantium Microwave sind beste.
	Liz:	How could you change the name of my show without telling me.
	Jack:	Detlev, I'm gonna have to call you back. Ja. Wunderbar. Plow chops.
	Liz:	The Girlie Show is now "TGS with Tracy Jordan"?
	Jack:	It tested very well with the focus groups.
	Jack:	If you say you like it you can have some pizza. You people like pizza?
	Liz:	You need to tell Jenna this whole thing was your idea and I didn't know anything about it and that she should be mad at you, not me.
	Jack:	Oh sure, then we can sit around and braid each others hair until we get our periods at the same time. Lemon, you're a supervisor. These people are not your friends.
	Liz:	Yes, they are my friends.
	Jack:	No. They're your employees.
	Liz:	Well, one of my employees is extremely mad at me. Will you talk to her?
	Jack:	No, because then you're not going to learn anything. You have to manage these people, Lemon. It’s your show. You have the tools. Now get out there and build the house, add on a pool, and throw yourself in the deep end.
	Liz:	What if I can’t swim?
	Jack:	Then I’ll do what my father did when I was two. Lure you to the edge of the pool with a puppy and push you in.
	Liz:	Yikes. Fine. I'll figure it out.
	Jack:	We're going to be shooting some promos in an hour underneath the new sign. So have your people... write some stuff.

Freaky deakies


	Tracy:	So I said, "Rick, this chick’s got an Adam's apple." And Rick said to me, I’ll never forget this, he said "freaky deakies need love too. Freaky deakies need love too."
	Toofer:	Charming.
	Tracy:	So how you doing over there, Theo Huxtable?
	Toofer:	I’m doing good.
	Tracy:	Nah uh. Superman does good, You doing well. You need to study your grammar, son.
	Frank:	Wow, that was embarrassing for you.

Getting Ready for the Promo


	Jenna:	I-I don't even have lines in these promos. It's all Tracy. He doesn't even mention me.
	Liz:	I'll Fix that. Just stay calm.
	Jenna:	Stay Calm? They changed the name of the show. You said you were looking out for me.
	Liz:	I am. I will handle it.
	Tracy:	Lemon. Lemon. Can I be real with you?
	Liz:	Yeah.
	Tracy:	I haven't had a real job in like two years. I'm not used to all these cue cards and all of that.
	Liz:	Don't worry about the cue cards. You have two lines. You say, "Hi, I'm Tracy Jordan. I'm bringing the black back to NBC. I'm proud as a peacock, baby." You don't even need these.
	Tracy:	You're right.I got this. Thanks for looking out for me, Lemon. I'm gonna crush it. Show these people how a movie star does it.

TGS Promo


	Liz:	A little to your right, Tracy.
	Man:	Okay. Here we go. In 3, 2....
	Tracy:	Hi I’m Tracy Jordan. And I'm bringing the black back to NBC, and i'm proud as a peacork, baby.
	Liz:	That's great Tracy, but it's "Peacock"
	Tracy:	What'd I say?
	Liz:	"Peacork."
	Tracy:	Peacock Think "Peacock" Right Jenna?
	Man:	In 3, 2....
	Tracy:	Hi I’m Tracy Jordan. And I'm bringing the black back to NBC, and i'm proud as a pea-cock, baby!
	Liz:	Okay. That time, I think you may have hit it a little bit too hard. Also, can you throw Jenna's name in there for me?
	Man:	In 3, 2....
	Tracy:	Hi I’m Tracy Jordan. And I'm bringing the black back to NBC. Right, Jenna Malvaney?
	Liz:	Maroney -- rhymes with baloney. Here we go.
	Man:	In 3, 2....
	Tracy:	Hi I’m Tracy Jordan. And I'm bringing the black back to NBC, and i'm proud as a peacock, right, my baloney?
	Liz:	Nope.
	Man:	In 3, 2....
	Tracy:	Hi I’m Tracy Jordan. I’m black NBC! Very proud, like peacocks. Right Janet? I think we got it! I think we got it.
	Jack:	Yeah, I think we did.

Jenna Insulted


	Jenna:	That was beyond insulting. The guy doesn't even know my name. Why do you love him so much?
	Liz:	No, no, no, no, no. I don’t love him. Donaghy loves him, that’s it. Pete can’t stand him. Toofer thinks he’s an idiot. Even Cerie says he’s a pig.
	Jenna:	Frank likes his movies.
	Liz:	Yeah Frank also loves that video of the monkey smelling his own butt. Nobody wants Tracy Jordan here, except for certified non-genius Jack Donaghy.
	Kenneth:	Sorry to interrupt, Ms. Maroney, but the sound guys want their microphone back.
	Liz:	So everyone can...
	Kenneth:	Hear everything your saying, yes ma'am
	Jenna:	Oh my god, I didn’t use the N-word, did I?
	Kenneth:	Oh no, no, no Ms. Maroney, you did not.
	Jenna:	Oh good, I mean I never would, but --
	Liz:	Jenna, Take the mike off!
	Jenna:	Sorry.

Storage Closet?


	Liz:	Oh my god, that was bad, right?
	Pete:	It wasn’t great.
	Cerie:	Jack Donaghy wants to see you.
	Liz:	No no. tell him I’m very busy.
	Cerie:	Come in, she’s very busy.
	Liz:	Mr. Donaghy, I sincerely apologize. I'm so embarrassed.
	Jack:	I guess you must be embarrassed if you're hiding in the storage closet.
	Liz:	This is my office.
	Jack:	Really? I see you bring a little feminine magic to everything you touch. How did it go with Tracy Jordan when you apologized?
	Liz:	Well, I didn't think I needed to talk to him. He's not my friend. He's my employee.
	Jack:	No, he's not your employee. He's your product. Like it or not, you're in the Tracy Jordan business now. And when you screw the pooch the way you did today, it's your responsibility to get in there and make things right.
	Liz:	How do I do that?
	Jack:	I don't know. I'm a non genius.
	Liz:	I'm really sorry.

Liz Apologizes


	P.A.:	Lunch break. That's a lunch break. Back in 30 minutes.
	Liz:	Tracy, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings before.
	Tracy:	Please. You can't hurt me. I did stand up on the road. Crowd once threw a motorcycle at me.
	Liz:	Good, cause I'm just trying to calm Jenna down. 'Cause she's kind of paranoid and neurotic. Your being here is just bringing out all of her crazy. And please don't think that everyone hates you. Pete thinks that everybody's an idiot, especially Frank, who is an idiot. Josh is just jealous cause your gonna get more screen time than him, and Toofer’s just afraid of black people.
	Tracy:	Which one’s Toofer?
	Liz:	The black guy.
	Tracy:	Hmm.
	Liz:	My point is, don't worry about them. You are the only person the network cares about.
	Kenneth:	Miss Lemon, I just want to let you know y’all are on the monitors right now.
	Liz:	So everyone can...
	Kenneth:	Hear you and see you, yes ma'am.
	Liz:	Son of a... Mother!
	Jenna:	Paranoid? Well that just confirms all my suspicions.
	Liz:	Sorry everybody.

Throwing Things


	Liz:	Hey buddies. Alright, I deserve that. But I didn’t say anything about you guys that I wouldn’t have said to your faces. Fine. The important thing is, don't take this out on Tracy.
	Pete:	That dude sucks.
	Liz:	Are we going to talk about this like adults or are you just going to throw things at me? All right. Ok fine, get it out of your system. All right. Nothing that plugs in you guys! Nothing that could really hurt me!

The Deep End


	Liz:	Hello.
	Jack:	Lemon? How are things in the deep end?
	Liz:	Fine.
	Jack:	The staff is meshing together well?
	Liz:	Oh, yes, yeah.
	Jack:	Good. I'm counting on you.

Got to do something


	Liz:	We got to do something.
	Tracy:	Lets crash my car to see if the airbags go off.
	Liz:	Let me explain what I'm talking about first. Everybody is mad at us.
	Tracy:	Mostly mad at you.
	Liz:	That’s because Donaghy threw me into the deep end of a pool that I didn’t even want to build in the first place. Look, I'm just saying, we both screwed up today. I think we should make nice and buy everyone some pizzas and some soft drinks.
	Tracy:	No, no, no, no. This is what we're gonna do, Lemon. You're gonna get everyone on my yacht. Harbor cruise, drinks, togetherness.
	Liz:	That's great. You have a yacht?
	Tracy:	I got a yacht. I got a solid gold jet ski, two Bat-mobiles, the AIDS monkey’s bones.

Yacht Party


	Tracy:	Welcome! Welcome to your fantasy!
	Liz:	We're both hosting. The ice cream bar was my idea.
	Toofer:	This is suprsingly tasteful.
	Tracy:	Oh yeah. I’ve taken this boat many places. Miami, Tokyo, Denver.
	Pete:	Hey, What does that mean -- Avanti Domani?
	Tracy:	What?
	Pete:	The name of the boat.
	Tracy:	Oh, that's Spanish for "remember your mother."
	Liz:	No, I don't think it is.
	Jenna:	Hello boys. I brought champagne.
	Liz:	I'm so glad you came.
	Jenna:	Get away from me.
	Tracy:	My baloney. Look at you. Wow.
	Jenna:	Yeah, thanks.
	Tracy:	Let me make you a drink. You love apple martinis, right?
	Jenna:	Yes. How did you know that?
	Tracy:	I read your interview in Amtrack Magazine.
	Jenna:	Really? You saw that? Wow! Did you know that all the writers in that are also conductors?
	Tracy:	I didn't know that. Hey Toofer, see if I got any schnapps.
	Toofer:	Good gravy. This is a Dunwiddie '62.
	Tracy:	It's for you. Take it, my friend.
	Toofer:	Thank you.

Jenna Sings


	Frank:	That is just wasteful.
	Tracy:	I hear you sing. I didn't know that. Why don't you sing something for me?
	Jenna:	Oh, no. Nobody wants to hear that.
	Tracy:	I do.
	Jenna:	Some folks like to get away, Take a holiday from the neighborhood. Hop a flight to Miami beach or to Hollywood. I'm taking a break.
	Frank:	Let's get out of here.
	Cerie:	Is that a real song?

Leaving the dock?


	Liz:	It's going well right? It has to. It has to go well.
	Pete:	Relax. Everybody is having a great time. How's Jenna?
	Liz:	Furious and drunk, but at least she's getting along with Tracy.
	Pete:	Well, he does know how to throw a party. Think we're ever gonna leave the dock?
	Liz:	I don't know. The engines have been running for like three hours.
	Tracy:	Hey! Hey! Grizz! Grizz, Don’t wreck this boat!
	Liz:	Grizz is driving this boat?
	Tracy:	Don’t worry, he was in the Navy.

Impressions


	Frank:	I got one! I got one. Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Cosby.
	Josh:	What’s the deal with pudding?
	Tracy:	I’m Bill Cosby. Jello Sweaters.
	Jenna:	Yeah!
	Josh:	That doesn't even sound like the Cos.
	Jenna:	I gotta go lay down.
	Frank:	Got you on that one, man.
	Liz:	Tracy, thank you so much for doing this. You totally saved me
	Tracy:	You don’t have to thank me Lemon, we’re a team now. Like Batman and Robin. Like chicken and a chicken container.
	Liz:	Hey, where's your bathroom?
	Tracy:	Second door on the right.
	Frank:	Let's do another one. Let's do another one.

Maria in hiding


	Liz:	Hmm. That's wierd. Wow.
	Maria:	Por favor. No me dueles! Me llamo Maria! Please, calling Ted and Nancy Peabody! You tell "Who Dat Ninja" is on the boat!
	Liz:	What are you saying?
	Maria:	Tracy Jordan is on the boat! He no see me! I hidded from him! I hide from him!
	Liz:	Oh my God.
	Tracy:	It's Spanish for "remember your mother." I've taken this boat to Denver. You can have that Scotch. Grizz was in the Navy.
	Liz:	It’s not his boat!

Not his Boat


	Harbor Police:	Sir, you need to disembark immediately!
	Liz:	This is not his boat! We got to get off this thing! This is not his boat!
	Harbor Police:	Disembark immediately!
	Liz:	Is this your boat?
	Harbor Police:	Disembark immediately!
	Liz:	Run! Jump! Get out of here!

About The Lemon Party


	Liz:	Good Morning.
	Jack:	Morning.
	Liz:	Okay. You were right.
	Jack:	I'm sorry
	Liz:	I can't do this. I can't manage these people. It was a disaster.
	Jack:	What are you talking about? Everyone loved your little Lemon party. Nothing brings a team together like a harrowing experience. You pulled it off.
	Liz:	Really.
	Jack:	They bonded. Good job.
	Liz:	I guess now I just have to read about how Tracy Jordan tried to steal a boat?
	Jack:	No I took care of that. The Peabody’s will be getting some free rides in the NBC jet. There won’t be anything in the papers at all.
	Liz:	Really? What about this?
	Jack:	Well I had to give them something. Don't worry. She's gonna love it.
	Liz:	That's just insulting.
	Jenna:	Liz, Liz, Did you see me in the Post? Oh my God. It’s so embarrassing. Look how thin I look! And look how many e-mail I’ve gotten. It’s not even 8AM in LA. Oh! Should I call Stern?
	Jack:	You're Welcome.

The Aftermath [ Season 1 | Episode: 2 ] - Episode. Explained.