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Jack:
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Lemon, we have a problem.
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Liz:
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I have this whole Tracy Josh thing under control.
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Jack:
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What are you talking about?
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Liz:
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Nothing. What are you talking about?
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Jack:
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You. You yelling at the crew, you trawling for seed.
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Liz:
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Oh it's a big misunderstanding. Jenna thinks that I want to have a baby.
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Jack:
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I should have known this would be a problem when I decided to mentor a woman.
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Liz:
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No, in facty what i said was that my body is trying to make me think I want to have a baby, but my body is not the boss of me. My brain is.
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Jack:
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Well if you insist on going all Murphy Brown on me, let me give you a tip. Don't smother your child with affection to compensate for not having a man in your life. Don't say you're the only man I'll ever love, even babies know that's creepy.
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Liz:
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Jack:
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Don't put little notes in their lunch bag that say Mommies watching you People find those things.
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Liz:
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But I bet you behaved yourself.
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Jack:
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If your child is a terrific hockey player, and a gifted flautist, don't make them play the National Anthem on the flute in front of his teammates.
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Liz:
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Jack:
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Now she wants to move in with me. I can't have that lemon.
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Liz:
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Then be an adult and call her and say that you love her very much, but living together is not going to work for you.
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Jack:
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You don't know my mother. This is a woman who actually had a heart attack to prevent me from going on my honeymoon.
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Liz:
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Maybe her heart broke because she's spent 20 years raising you and you're a total ingrate.
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Jack:
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That's exactly what she said. Is this what you want Lemon, to breath life into another human being just to spend the rest of your days slowly sucking it out of them.
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Liz:
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No. That's why my brain is the boss
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Jack:
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Liz:
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Jack:
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Hello mother, so nice to hear your voice. No, I am not on anything. I know that things have been difficult for you lately and I was thinking you carried me for nine months, let me carry you now. WELL RIGHT BACK AT YOU COLLEEN! That's right! You cut Pops balls off! And left him in the street to die!
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