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Jack:
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Lemon, are you ready to get started?
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Liz:
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Yes, I just need one minute to send some of these people home.
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Jack:
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Really? You're just going to kick all of them to the curb like so much human garbage? Why are you being so cold and dispassionate?
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Liz:
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What? Because you told me to.
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Jack:
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And you just blindly do whatever I say? What are you, a robot?
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Liz:
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You also told me to be a robot. What is going on with you?
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Jack:
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I have bedbugs. And these bedbugs have chewed the blinders off my eyes. These are all people, Lemon. With feelings.
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Liz:
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Jack:
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And they all get a chance. They all get to audition. Anyone who wants to audition, just give your name to Pete.
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Man:
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Anthony DeCicco. I'll need an Obama wig.
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Frank:
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Frank Rossitano. Queens, New York. I guess dreams can come true. So last weekend, I was at the mall. But then, I went to the beach [beep] with my niece's friend, and then, I [beep] at the pool party.
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Woman:
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Janitor:
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For my first character, I'd like to do an old janitor who's finally had enough and stabs everybody.
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Jenna:
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Hello, I'm Jenna Maroney.
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Jayden Michael Tyler :
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Hi, I'm Jayden, nice to meet you.
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Jenna:
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How dare you pretend you don't remember me! I'm the one who doesn't remember you!
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Josh:
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Josh Girard, former T.G.S. cast member. Then some movie work that didn't pan out. Then my agent dropped me. Then a web short. Where they made me do guy-guy stuff. Oh, God, forgive me. I call this character Smelly Belly.
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Toofer:
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Good evening. We are Laugh of the Mohicans.
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Lutz:
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Our first bit is the Hamburglar.
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Liz:
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Pete:
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Toofer and Lutz didn't tell me they were going to go together. This throws off the whole system. I've got to find one more.
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Tracy:
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Hey, Dotcom, nice to meet you.
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Dotcom:
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Why would he say that to me?
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Brian Williams:
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Have you ever wondered what happens in the refrigerator after the light goes off? Does the milk say, ''Let's go down to the crisper drawer and make trouble''? I don't know. Forget about it.
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Pete:
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You want to be on a T.V. show? Okay, come on. Come on, come on.
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Dotcom:
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Growing up in Bed-Stuy, there was a certain music to the way people talked. ''Hey, Papi, what you doing?'' I'm sorry. Can I start over? Someone really messed with my head right before I came on.
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Kathy Geiss :
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? I dreamed that love would never die ? ? I dreamed that God would be forgiving ?
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Liz:
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Okay, here we go, you can do it.
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Jayden Michael Tyler :
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Hi, I'm Jayden Michael Tyler. My first piece will be a dinner party at Martin Scorsese's house with Christopher Walken and Gilbert Gottfried.
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Liz:
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Jayden Michael Tyler :
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[As Walken] Thank you for inviting us, Martin. [As Gottfried] I brought wine!
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Liz:
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