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Liz:
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Hey, do you have a minute?
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Jack:
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Good God, Lemon. Have you seen this? As I'm sure you've concluded from the headline, Don Geiss' estranged son, Bertram, is suing his half sister, Kathy, for control of the Geiss family trust fund.
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Liz:
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They could have done ''Geiss-Scream Son-Pay''? You know, like ice cream sundae.
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Jack:
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This makes me sick to my stomach, Lemon. Don Geiss is my hero. My mentor. A great man. Holding up one finger to get someone to stop talking? He invented that.
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Liz:
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Jack:
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And now, he's being publicly humiliated by his own family. This is why I'm glad I never had children. And why I never will.
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Liz:
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Oh, Jack, you don't mean that.
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Jack:
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Geiss also invented the abrupt conversational segue. Talk about your thing now.
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Liz:
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Okay, well, um, my building is going condo.
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Jack:
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And they're trying to drive the renters out? Are you going to buy your place?
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Liz:
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Well, I love my building. But if I'm going to buy a place, it should be a big place where I can have a family.
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Jack:
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Then, spend some of your Dealbreakers money. Buy two apartments.
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Liz:
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Jack:
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You know why my place is so big? When I was first married to my ex-wife, we were in the basement. Over the years, I kept buying the floors above me to make room for the family I thought we'd have. Well, now I have something better than a family. A walk-in humidor, a lap pool, and a replica of the Irish pub where my grandmother was born.
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Liz:
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Well, I'm not rich, Jack.
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Jack:
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You're doing okay. And this could be your dream apartment. Sniff around your upstairs neighbor. See if he's planning to leave. If he's not, make him an offer he can't refuse. Trademark 1 97 4. Don Geiss.
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Liz:
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Jack:
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I know this sounds ugly, but with Manhattan real estate, there are no rules. It's like check-in at an Italian airport.
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