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Liz:
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This better be important, Jack. I was in the middle of bidding on a bag of bras on eBay.
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Jack:
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Lemon, Hank Hooper is on his way up from Philadelphia and he wants to meet with both of us.
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Liz:
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Why does he want to meet me? Do you think it's a good thing?
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Hank Hooper:
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It's not, hon. I saw that in a movie once, but in the movie the guy was dead. Nice tie, Jack!
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Jack:
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How long have you been there? I was sitting in that chair a minute ago?
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Hank Hooper:
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No. That was me. What can I say? I smell like leather. And you must be Elizabeth Lemon.
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Liz:
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Hank Hooper:
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Well I'll be Bake McBride'd. I know a Philly gal when I hug one. Now Elizabeth, I like to look someone in the eye and smile when I say that what you're doing in bad. It's just horrible. Without Tracy, your show is like my cholesterol. The numbers are killing me! So I'm going to cancel TGS.
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Jack:
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Uh Hank, as you know tonight is TGS' 100th episode, and we've been getting some good media buzz. We got on Wikipedia this week.
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Hank Hooper:
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So you did 99 shows against all odds and reason. That's something. Now it's time to rest.
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Liz:
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Really? You want to cancel the only show on your network starring a 42 year old woman? A show that is number one in its time slot among men 18-49 months... left in prison. I thought this company was a family but I guess it's that Austrian family and I am the girl in the basement and you are the dad who has been brutally-
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Jack:
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Thank you, Lemon! What Liz is neglecting to tell you is that Tracy Jordan is back.
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Hank Hooper:
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Oh! Well that's something.
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Jack:
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And I would consider it a personal favor if you would let them do the 100th episode and then re-evaluate the show with Tracy in it.
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Hank Hooper:
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All right. You get one more shot. Just like the Army doctors said to me after my weekend in Okinawa! [laughs]
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Hank Hooper:
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You know Jack, I'm amazed at how much you will stick your neck out for your people. It's not wonder you're here with us at Kabletown instead of running GE. They're mean. Jack Welsh once smacked a pretzel out of my hand at the Superbowl. [leaves]
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Jack:
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Is Tracy back? I'd hate to think I just lied to Hank.
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Liz:
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Jeez! I'll get it done. You know I'll do whatever it takes. "Lemon Style."
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Liz:
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Everybody dance now! [opens her shirt] Baw, baw, baw...
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Liz:
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But you're going to get me another sandwich, or I'm going to cut your face up so bad you'll have a chin.
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Carol:
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Liz:
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You'll have to go through this old bastard first!
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Liz:
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And I don't really think that it's fair for me to be on a jury because I'm a hologram.
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Jack:
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What is the hold up with Tracy. I thought you found him.
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Liz:
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I did find him but he's still crazy. He thinks he can't be funny anymore because now he's a big Oscar winner people respect him too much. He told me he feels like a Bartrum Scrub-Hairstreak trying to crawl back into its silky cocoon. Which is a butterfly metaphor, by the way, and not, as I first thought, a list of African American hair products.
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Jack:
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Well you just need to turn the beautiful butterfly back into a drunk, incompetent caterpillar.
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Liz:
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And I have a plan. I booked him on every morning show in New York. Tracy will destroy all his goodwill in time for rehearsal. I've been prepping him all week.
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Liz:
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So, Tracy Jordan, my wife Joy and I were in Moralogo-
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Tracy:
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Jack:
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Just get him back in time for the show. I have a very full plate.
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Liz:
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Really? Is it from that pie place?
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Jack:
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And I'm tired of going to bat for you and your show.
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Liz:
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Oh. Okay. Fine. But just to be clear-
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Jack:
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Liz:
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