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Jack:
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So this is the man who's going to bring down Regina Bookman. Rhode Island's own Steven Austin.
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Steve Austin:
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Actually I go by STEVE Austin. That way people see my name on ballots, they think I'm the wrestler and they vote for me.
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Jack:
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I've been reading up on you, Steve. Honestly, I want to like you. But I see that you're NOT affiliated with the Republican Party.
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Steve Austin:
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The party system is broken, Jack. I don't believe in parties. I don't join them, and I never get invited to them. Hint, hint.
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Jack:
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You're an individual. A maverick. People like you are succeeding because Americans are fed up with the status quo.
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Steve Austin:
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Exactly. They're tired of the direction this country's headed in, they want a return to our past glory, they want an American renaissance.
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Jack:
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I like what I'm heading, Steve.
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Steve Austin:
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Then you're going to love the sound of this. [hold up and shakes baby rattle] Goo goo, ga ga, Jack.
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Jack:
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Steve Austin:
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That's the theme of my campaign. Renaissance means rebirth. I want to usher in the rebirth of this country. That's why the theme of all my campaign commercials is "I'm a baby."
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Steve Austin:
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[in commercial wearing just a diaper and bonnet, shaking rattle] This country has lost it's way. We need to start over and return to what made our nation great. My name is Steve Austin and I am a lifelong resident of Rhode Island and the manager of a local paintball facility. I will clean up Washington like it's the bathroom of a paintball facility. Vote Steve Austin. And if you're blind, I AM the wrestler.
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Jack:
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Right. I like a lot of what you're saying, Steve. But, uh, before I throw my support behind you, I do have a litmus test.
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Steve Austin:
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Okay. Can I take that in two weeks?
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Jack:
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Ah, no, it's just questions. What do you think the role of government should be.
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Steve Austin:
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Limited. I believe in small government.
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Jack:
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Steve Austin:
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Or not government at all. If it works in Antartica, why can't it work here? But if we have to have government, make it as small as possible. Dwarves. Tiny buildings. Pizza bagels for lunch.
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Jack:
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Maybe we should stop at "small government." Let's cut to the chase. I need you to assure me you would never allow the government to interfere with the sale of one company to another.
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Steve Austin:
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Course not. The government shouldn't interfere in anything. What happens inside a man's own rain poncho in a minor league baseball game is his own business.
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Jack:
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Well, Steve, we should stop talking... before I change my mind, but I do want to host a fundraiser for you, so give me a couple of days to put that together.
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Steve Austin:
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I need to know that you believe in my message, Jack. Take the rattle.
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Jack:
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Steve Austin:
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Say "goo goo, ga ga," Jack.
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Jack:
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