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Liz:
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Jack:
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Avery:
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Liz:
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Avery:
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Look, I never should have interfered with um... whatever this is.
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Liz:
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Work husband slash uncle.
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Jack:
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Co-worker slash little brother.
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Avery:
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Right, well, she's not ready to move on.
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Liz:
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It's true. I'm wearing a Duane Reid bag as underwear today.
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Avery:
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All right. And for whatever reason, he needs you too.
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Jack:
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It's a symbiotic relationship. I'm a mighty great white shark, Lemon, and you are a remora, clinging to me with your suction cup head. I give you a free ride and in exchange you, uh... eat my parasites.
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Avery:
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I'm going to leave you two alone. [kissed Jack] I already briefed him on your problem.
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Jack:
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The "gentleman's intermission," yes. Uh, Lemon, does your father have a cell phone?
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Liz:
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Yes. Jack is BACK! If anyone can talk sense into my dad, it's your.
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Jack:
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Oh ho, no. I'm not going to talk sense into anybody. You're father's being irrational, and irrational behaviour doesn't respond to rationality. It responds to fear.
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Dick Lemon:
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Jack:
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[Bronx accent] Yeah is this Dick Lemon?
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Dick Lemon:
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This is he, who's calling?
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Jack:
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I'm Trisha's boyfriend, you scumbag. She told me what happened with youze last night. Now I'm gonna come and find you and I'm gonna kick your ass so hard you're going to be throwing up my toenails.
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Dick Lemon:
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No, no, no, no, no! There's been a mistake. I did not do anything with anyone last night. Certainly not a Trisha.
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Jack:
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Oh, now you're telling me my Tricia's not good enough for you? SHE'S AN ANGEL! I tell ya what, I'm getting my brothers and we're comin over there, and we're gonna kick your ass so --
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Dick Lemon:
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Jack:
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[snickers, motions "no" to Liz, and redials]
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Dick Lemon:
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[answers phone] Dick Lemon speaking.
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Jack:
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How DARE you hang up on me. I'm a corrupt cop, my brother's a corrupt fireman. He's gonna SET YOU ON FIRE and I'm not going to investigate it.
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Dick Lemon:
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That won't be necessary. I'm leaving for Philadelphia today.
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Jack:
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Dick, listen. Tricia told me you're married. I know men are meant to be promiscuous because of evolution, but you made a commitment to a woman you love.
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Dick Lemon:
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Jack:
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Yeah, that's right. You're a lucky man, a) because you have a family, and b) because I have not CURB stomped you in front of your grandchildren.
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Dick Lemon:
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Actually, I don't have grandchildren.
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Jack:
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Why not? Tricia told me you have a forty year old daughter. What's wrong with her?
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Liz:
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Okay... [shakes her head and motions for the phone]
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Jack:
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I gotta go. I'm taking Tricia to Laser Zepplin. You take care now. Go Nicks!
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Liz:
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Can I show you a weird thing on my leg?
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Jack:
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Liz:
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Jack:
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That's got to be removed.
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