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Jeffrey Weinerslav:
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Good morning. How's the happy couple today? Well, it's no surprise we're sitting here. You two have always thrown off that "will they or won't they" vibe, and it's been a real hoot to watch your courtship. Okie dokey, now when two employees get married, it is my job to make sure that the employee is not receiving from his or her boss.
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Liz:
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Favoritism? Really? He's trying to cancel my show.
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Jack:
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Uh huh. And what about your little announcement last night? Do you know how many fires I had to put out this morning because of you? And what was that voice?
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Liz:
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It's my imitation of Drew Barrymore's impression of that crazy lady.
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Jack:
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Let's keep this meeting short. Our marriage is a technicality and it WILL be remedied.
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Liz:
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Also, in order for there to be favoritism we'd have to actually still be friends.
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Jeffrey Weinerslav:
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All righty, let's just dive on in. Does the employee spend an inordinate amount of time in the employer's office compared to other employees.
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Jack:
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Well yes, I support, but only because Miss Lemon is incapable of doing anything on her own.
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Liz:
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Och, please. Half the time when I go up there it's to choose a tie and they're all red or blue.
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Jack:
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Where I come from if you have more than two colors on a tie it means [hand to his mouth, which Liz imitates] you're looking for a certain kind of bar.
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Liz:
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Jeffrey Weinerslav:
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Are all workday conversations business-related or do personal issues often dominate discussion, including, but not limited to, mothers, diarrhea, having babies, problems in the bedroom, neckties, food issues, foot disorders, having it all-
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Jack:
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Okay. Yes. In the past, we have advised each other.
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Liz:
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For instance, Jack taught me not to wear tan slacks with a tan turtleneck, but he rightly pointed out that it make me look like a giant condom.
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Jack:
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And Lemon is the only one of my subordinates who's not afraid to warn me when I'm being too authoritative or handsome.
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Liz:
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Or when you have eye boogers.
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Jack:
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Jeffrey Weinerslav:
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Uh, have you spent time with each other's families? Have you attended special events together, such as class reunions, birthday or holiday celebrations, weddings or extended car trips? Are you each other's emergency contacts? Do you even drink together at work, perhaps while summarizing what you've learned over the day or week? Have you shared intimate details of your fears, hopes, and dreams, both personal and professional? Is this the longest and perhaps most meaningful relationship in your life? Do you often find yourselves thinking the same thing and then saying it at the exact same time?
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Liz:
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Jack:
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Liz:
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I never should have tried to blackmail you. I'll sign the papers.
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Jack:
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And I shouldn't have threatened your show. I'll leave that to the parental decency groups. And I'll back off on the budget. And the Bat Mizvahs.
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Jeffrey Weinerslav:
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Okay, now we're going to do word association. Foreplay.
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Jack:
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Jack:
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Uh, try to talk like a woman, Lemon.
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Liz:
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