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Criss:
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Jack, I am giving you your money back.
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Jack:
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You can't tear up my checks, Criss, they're printed on Nixon's old bedsheets.
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Criss:
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Look, I don't understand your relationship with Liz--
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Jack:
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Criss:
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Well, she's my girlfriend and I'm not going to let you get inbetween us.
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Jack:
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Oh, it's a little late for that. You're not going to want to hear this but I am officially disapproving of you.
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Criss:
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Well, I'm sorry but I really don’t care what you think.
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Jack:
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That's really not how things work around here, Criss...ss.
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Liz:
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Damn it Criss, stop talking to him, it's a trap. You said I won, you said you wouldn't ask any more questions about Criss.
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Jack:
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I said I wouldn't ask *you* any more questions.
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Liz:
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Semantics! You had no right to come to my home, to trick Criss, to rearrange my bathroom.
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Jack:
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Liz:
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Yes, the basket of shells was a nice touch.
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Jack:
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But I’m afraid I have bad news, I just told Criss that I am officially disapproving.
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Liz:
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Criss:
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Jack:
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Of course you're free to make your own decisions, Lemon. You can either pretend that you and I are not in agreement and continue this uh ... charade, or you can part ways with Criss now and go and find someone who will truly make you happy.
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Criss:
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I'm sorry, is this guy breaking up with me?
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Jack:
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Of course you and Criss can still be friends.
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Criss:
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OK, Liz, I guess you got a choice to make. You can listen to Jack, we call it quits, and I go back to sleeping on the floor of my uncle's mattress store or--
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Liz:
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You don't understand; he's in my head.
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Criss:
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OK, forget Jack. What does Liz think? Hmm? What do you want? Do you want to be with me or not?
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Jack:
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Don't look at me, ask her.
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Liz:
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I don't know, Liz. It's going to go wrong eventually, right? I mean, I like him, but what are we doing here?
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Jack:
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Really? This is how you see yourself?
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Liz:
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Of course, I pick you Criss ... if you would just address some of the issues that we as a group have been talking about.
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Criss:
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Jack:
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Well I have to go get a bunch of gaybies into preschool before we all get sued so uh … well done, Lemon.
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