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Liz:
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Say you approve of Criss, Jack.
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Jack:
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Am I in your head, Lemon?
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Liz:
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Yes! But don't be so proud, I also have a lot of imaginary arguments with the couples on 'House Hunters'. Why can't people look past paint colour?!
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Jack:
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Lemon, obviously I can't approve of someone I've never met.
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Liz:
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Yeah, well I'm not letting you meet Criss because you won't approve of him.
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Jack:
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Well then I guess this is a catch-22, although I don't know for sure because I refuse to read literature that questions the morality of war.
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Liz:
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Look, clearly I hurt your feelings; you're upset that I didn't tell you about Criss.
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Jack:
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No, no, no, I'm quite over your subterfuge, though I do expect a note of apology and don't try to make it funny, just apologize.
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Liz:
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But I feel like people expect comedy--
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Jack:
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They don't. … It's exhausting. However, you're right that I'm having an emotional reaction. It's very frustrating watching someone I care about do something she clearly knows is bad for her, like that week you wore those blue contact lenses.
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Liz:
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I looked like Adriana Lima! And you don't know that Criss is bad for me and you never will, so you better get on board the Criss train: Criss-a, Criss, Criss, Criss-a, Criss-a, Criss-a, Criss-a, Criss-a, Criss-a, Criss-a, Criss-a, Criss-a, Criss train! Do you have any water?
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Jack:
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You know what Lemon? Fine. You are technically an adult. You can do whatever you want.
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Liz:
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Really? So, I won? With the train thing?
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Jack:
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I won't ask any questions about Criss again.
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Liz:
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Jack:
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Promis[s]e. With two "s"'s. I would, however, like to ask you why Tracy is outside cursing this network on a megaphone.
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Liz:
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It's a good one, Jack. Tracy has organized a protest of NBC by his fellow idiots.
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Jack:
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He what? No, no, no, no, we need idiots. *You* certainly need idiots. Who do you think is watching your shows?
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Liz:
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Jack:
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Black nerds, JetBlue passengers who fall asleep with the tv on, pets whose owners have died, and, uh, idiots. You need to fix this.
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Liz:
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Agh. I don't know what to say to those people.
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Jack:
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You wrote "Remember to DVR 'Kendra'" on your hand. I think you can handle it.
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Liz:
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Aw no! Damn it! Now I've got to pray for a marathon!
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