Up All Night    [ Season 1 | Episode: 13 ]

Search:
Character: Scene:
( 230 Quotes Found )

* Quotes are grouped by Scene
 
Ugly Betty

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
No, Jack, I'm not blaming you. But everybody got food poisoning.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
food poisoning? that is impossible. That seafood was a gift from my friend, the owner of the Cleveland browns. They're very expensive freshwater clams from the...Cuyahoga river.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
My whole staff has been blorching for three days, so if there's any way that we could show a rerun...
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I wish I could help you, Lemon, but I've already sold the ad time to the army. Do the best you can. I need a live show from you in two days.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Ugh.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
No, no, no. That's not for you. Bianca is coming.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Crazy Bianca is coming here?
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
You make me want to vomit!
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Why?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Ha! Because she wants something. She only contacts me when she wants something. And she's bringing her lawyer, which means she's gonna try to bleed something else out of me in our divorce proceedings.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
You're not all the way divorced?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Well we've been legally separated since 1989. It's been a nightmare, Lemon. I mean one minute you're newlyweds making love on the floor of the Concorde, then the next, your lawyers are fighting over who gets to keep the box your dog defecates in.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
You taught your dog to poop in a box?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Bianca did, but I want that box! Ugh! It's gonna take all day and into the night to deal with that crazy woman. Fighting, conniving, clawing at each other.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Are you angry or excited right now? I can't tell.
   Jonathan:
Rate This Quote
Mrs. Donaghy and her lawyer are here.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
I'm sorry, Johnny, I'm a little early.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
This would work on "Ugly Betty".

Valentines Day

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Hey, guys. Ugh. I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to work all night tonight until we get caught up.
   Girl Writer:
Rate This Quote
What?! Liz. I can't believe you're gonna make us work all night on valentine's day.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
It's Valentine's day? Oh, I totally forgot.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Hells yes, Liz Lemon. And I have plans. Me and Angie rented the penthouse at the Soho Grand, where we will drink wine and pleasure each other.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Gross.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
When you've been married 17 years, you have to keep it spicy. That's why me and my wife role play. She puts on a Girl Scout outfit with a box of cookies and I answer the door in my boxers. Or, I rent out a wheelchair and she pretends to be my case worker.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
And in a way, she is.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Well, what about me? I just took a bunch of Cialis because I have big Valentine's plans tonight.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
With who?
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Uh. Nobody.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Okay, you know I'm sorry, you guys, but we have to get this done. Let's order some dinner. Derie, do you mind working late on valentine's day?
   Cerie:
Rate This Quote
No, I don't care. Aris and I are in a huge fight anyway.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Oh, Aris? Is that your, uh, fiance? Aris?
   Cerie:
Rate This Quote
Yeah. He keeps sending me all these flowers to apologize, but he's still insisting on having a greek orthodox wedding. But I really disagree with the church's stance on Cyprus.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Mmh. So...Um, chinese or what?
   Cerie:
Rate This Quote
Liz, these are actually for you.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Who are they from?
   Cerie:
Rate This Quote
I don't know. It doesn't say.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Too bad you got to work all night.

Divorce To Be Final

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
Johnny, thank you for speaking to me in person.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
If this is about the dog box, I'm not giving in.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
Oh no, Johnny. I feel so terrible for what happened at Gerhardt's party.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Really? I had a fabulous time at that party.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
I want our divorce to be final.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Fine. I want back all the jewelry I ever bought you.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
Fine.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I want the art supplies I gave you on your 40th birthday and any subsequent art projects you made with them.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
Fine.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I want all of our love letters.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
Fine.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I want all of your parents' love letters.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
Fine.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I want full stake in the Arby's franchises we bought outside of Telluride.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
Oh, dammit Johnny! you know I love my Big Beef and Cheddar! Take it all. Take the Arby's, take the house in Amagansett. Take the Otto Dix paintings. I don't care anymore. I want to move on.
   Lawyer:
Rate This Quote
Mrs. Donaghy intends to relinquish all communal property. We should have the papers for you to sign tomorrow.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Then I suppose we're done.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
We're done.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Break out a bottle of champagne. But not the one that came with the shellfish, okay? Some other bottle of champagne.

Blowing It

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Hey
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
Hey
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Did you send me these to be nice?
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
Why would I send you flowers?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Because it's Valentine's Day, and you know I don't --
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
Oh no! It's what? It's Valentine's Day. Again?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Did you blow it with your wife?
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
It's too late, It's too late. I blew it.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Well, Who cares, you know? it's just Valentine's Day.
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
It's also her birthday.

V Day Plans

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
Yeah
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Oh, I got the turkey club.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Hey.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Hey. what's up? Did you just come from a Suzanne Summers look a like contest?
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Hilarious, Frank. Actually I just came from performing at Vagina Day.
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
Is that and offshoot of "The Vagina Monologues"?
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
No, we are in no way affiliated with "The Vagina Monologues". Vagina Day is a charity event founded by a group of celebrities who have for whatever reason, never been asked to participate in "The Vagina Monologues". Every February 14th, we improvise monologues about our lady parts for the homeless.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Oh, to benefit the homeless?
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
No, just for them.
   Joy Behar:
Rate This Quote
Joy Behar: My vagina is a flower, a weird ugly flower. I remember the night I lost my virginity. It was 1968 during the Democratic Convention.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Lemon, it's done.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
What's done?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
My divorce. It's final. I'm divorced, everyone! Who wants to grab a drink?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Uh, yeah, I really can't Jack. You're making us work all night, remember?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Oh
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Hey, did you send me these because you feel bad?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I did not, and I do not. Hey Pete. You up for a quick cocktail?
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
Sorry. I got to duck out. I just found a hallmark store open 70 blocks from here.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Oh. Tracy, what do you say? A quick drink to celebrate my freedom?
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Aw, Jackie D., any other time, but I made plans with my wife tonight.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Just one quick one. This is the best night of my life.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
All right. Just one. I got to be downtown dressed as a ninja by 10:00.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Let's go.

Marry Boff Kill

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Josh:
Rate This Quote
Okay, Frank -- Marry, boff, kill. Beyonce, Paula Abdul, and Oprah.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Dude, that's beyond easy. Boff Beyonce, kill Paula, marry Oprah.
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
Okay. Marry Boff Kill. Cerie, Liz and Jenna.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Once again no brainer. Marry Liz, get with Cerie, kill Jenna.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
I can hear you!
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Frank knock it off. Don't play that game about people who are in the room.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Why not?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Because it always starts off fun, and then it gets weird. But thank you for saying that you would marry me. You didn't send me these, right?
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
No. Are you kidding me?

Flower Shop Call

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Hi, uh, my name is Liz Lemon, and I received flowers from your shop tonight and I can't tell who they're from. No, no, I did read the card but it's not signed. No, I'm not with so many men that it's impossible for me to guess. well, that is just -- Oh. oh, well you know what? I found the card, actually, they're from your mom. Yeah. so tell your gay mom I said thanks.

Living It Up

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
We got to order some more champagne, go and jump on my helicopter and buzz Trump Tower until Don comes out on the roof and begs us to stop.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Yeah! sounds good. I just got to call my wife, let her know I'm gonna be late. Hey Angie. Listen, I'm gonna be -- Right. I have to go.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
No, no, no, no, That is the weak married man inside you talking. I used to be like you. Always remember, marriage is a competition. And after 18 years of overtime, I am finally going to claim victory.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Well, you live it up J.D. You know where to find me if you need me.

More MBK

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
Ok, I got a hard one. Osama Bin Laden, Martha Stewart, Jenna.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Bone Osama bin laden. to shame him, and then his own people would murder him. Marry Martha Stewart, cause, you know, she seems like a dirty bird. And kill Jenna.
   Josh:
Rate This Quote
Cerie, Marry Boff Kill -- Lutz, Toofer, or Kenneth?
   Cerie:
Rate This Quote
I'd marry Toofer, cause he's classy. I'd kill Lutz, sorry Lutz.
   Lutz:
Rate This Quote
The thought that you would do anything to me is awesome.
   Cerie:
Rate This Quote
And I'd boff Kenneth.
   Josh:
Rate This Quote
What?! Really?

Jenna And Frank

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Okay, what's your problem with me?
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
What?
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
You're always making rude comments. You never want to work with me. Why don't you like me?
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Cause you're a big phony.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
What?
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Everything about you is fake. Your tan's fake. Your hair is fake.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Not the front.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
You've never done or said anything real or genuine the whole time I've known you.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Oh really? And does a phony bare her soul for the homeless? Because that comes from in here. My vagina is a convenience store, clean and reliable, and closed on Christmas.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Fake. And weird.

A Toast

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I would like to propose a toast to my ex-wife, who tomorrow I'm going to be saying goodbye to for the very last time.
   Everyone:
Rate This Quote
Aw...
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
No, no, no, no, no. She is very, very mentally sick. I mean, if you met her, you might think she's wonderful. But, believe me, she is the succubus from the bowels of hell. I mean, If I were forced to remember her as I first met her, when i first fell in love with her, then yes, uh, you know, I suppose, empirically, she is very, very beautiful. But, uh... But it's what's inside her that really makes her disgusting. I wish I could touch her boobs again. She really had a fabulous pair of boobs. I admit sometimes I would fantasize about her getting various terminal illnesses, and I would nurse her... to her death. And she would say, (imitating Bianca) "Johnny, I am in so much pain" And I would say, "Just hang in there a little longer, Bianca" Love. They say lightning never strikes twice. But I know that I will love again. And I'm never gonna be happy until I find that woman. I think what I'm saying to you is... what are you doing tonight?

Kenneth's Chance

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Lutz:
Rate This Quote
Kenneth, this is your chance. Cerie digs you.
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Excuse me?
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
And she's upset with her fiance.
   Josh:
Rate This Quote
Cerie said she would do it with you.
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Well, that just makes me perspire.
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
In fact, I think we need you and Cerie to go on a candy run.
   Cerie:
Rate This Quote
Okay
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Um, but I need to --
   Lutz:
Rate This Quote
She can't go by herself. It's 1:00 in the morning.

Role Play

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Can I help you?
   Angie:
Rate This Quote
Yes, sir. We have reports of a nitrogen leak on this floor.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Oh, no, our room is fine, I mean, we don't smell it.
   Angie:
Rate This Quote
oh, it's odorless, sir. I really need to check this room.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Well, could you hurry up? Cause my wife and I are planning a really special night tonight.
   Angie:
Rate This Quote
Oh, it's for your own safety sir.Hmm.. I'm detecting a lot of heat over here.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Is it dangerous?
   Angie:
Rate This Quote
I don't know, I think It's coming from my butt.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Oh, no! I'm married!
   Angie:
Rate This Quote
That's how I like them. Ah!
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
What? Oh. Role-play, baby! Give it to me, baby!
   Angie:
Rate This Quote
Okay. I don't know who that is. But we done cause I'm not Velcro-ing up again.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Just be cool. Just be -- Be cool. Hang tight. Who is it?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Tracy, we couldn't find a hotel room anywhere. The whole city is booked. We were hoping we could come here and party with you.
   Vlem:
Rate This Quote
Happy Valentimes!
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Baby, I'm sorry. But he's going through some stuff.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Angie, do you like champagne?
   Angie:
Rate This Quote
No. It gives me a headache.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
This is a Krug Clos du Mesnil, and I was saving it for a special occasion. And I thought to myself, "My God. This is it." Am I right? Good news, good friends.
   Vlem:
Rate This Quote
I clean this too, or, uh, just the sex?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Isn't she precious? Hey, Fun fact about Vlem. She originally came here to study engineering. Come on, doll.
   Angie:
Rate This Quote
You tell G.E. Light-Bulb-Man, I want "Sophie's Choice" out of my suite!
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Baby.... Uh, Lemon!

Back From Snack Run

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Are you coming?
   Cerie:
Rate This Quote
Let's stall for a minute. It's so boring up there anyway. You know Aris is just so immature sometimes. That's why i like you Kenneth. You're an old soul.
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Thank you, My mama think so, too. In fact, she's pretty sure I'm the reincarnated soul of Adrian Twyfer. He was our town minister who died in an organ fire.
   Cerie:
Rate This Quote
He keeps texting me to meet him downtown at his club, even though he knows I'm working
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Well, It's like Dr. Laura Schlesinger says, Women should be more accommodating to their men, for the health of the marriage.
   Cerie:
Rate This Quote
She sounds smart. Is she really a doctor?
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
No, I think she's kind of like Dr. Pepper.
   Cerie:
Rate This Quote
Oh. I'm gonna go meet him downtown, then. Thanks Kenneth. You give really good advice. Kenneth!
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
What? How dare you.
   Cerie:
Rate This Quote
You're so weird, Tell Liz I left, okay? oh, and if you want to tell those guys upstairs that we made out, it's all right with me.

Videogames

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Ooh, video games! We could play video games.
   Angie:
Rate This Quote
This is the second-worst Valentine's day we ever had.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Hi, is Mr. Donaghy here?
   Angie:
Rate This Quote
Another prostitute?

100 Year Old Couple

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Lemon, what do you say? You and me. Atlantic city. We can be in the crepe line at the borgata by dawn.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
No, Jack. What are you doing?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I'm celebrating. And I want Bianca to see that I'm moving on.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Well then maybe you should call Bianca to help you carry your prostitute out of the hotel you were just ejected from.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
You think I should? She'd probably come right down here.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
You are sick! This relationship is sick!
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
You just don't understand. It's complicated.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
No, I don't understand. Let me ask you a question. Marry Boff Kill -- Bianca. Which do you want to do?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
All of them. All of them.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
you've got to get out of each others lives, Jack, or you will never be happy. Between the two of you, you are 100 years old, and this is not a dignified way for a 100-year-old couple to behave!
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I know. I know. No, leave her there. It's nicer than where I found her. Come on.
   Vlem:
Rate This Quote
Happy Valentimes!

Making Up

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
You know what, friend? You got a lot of nerve calling me a fake. You wear your thrift store T shirts and your big wierd glasses and everybody says, Oh look at Frank. He's so cool. He has a hat that says "Extra Cheese". What does that even mean?
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
It's pretty self-explanatory.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Admit it -- You spend just as much time and energy trying to look wierd as I do trying to look beautiful. And you can act like you hate me, but if I tried to kiss you right now, you would totally do it. cause you're a big phony jerk. And I just wanted to tell you that. Okay, Fine. I pooted. It's 3:00 in the morning. Are you happy?
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Yeah, I'm happy becuase that's the first time you've ever done somthing like a real person. It's pretty cool.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Um, I could do it again. But I wouldn't want to show off.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Jenna..... I'm sorry I said I'd kill you.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Thank you.

Underpants

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Snacks!
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
What happened?
   Josh:
Rate This Quote
So, Tell us.
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
None of your beeswax.
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
He blew it.
   Josh:
Rate This Quote
Way to go, loser.
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Oh yeah? If I blew it, then how did I get her underpants?

Dissolved

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Lawyer:
Rate This Quote
Just this last one, and then your marriage is officially dissolved.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
It's almost like it never happened. I wouldn't be surprised if that five inch scar across my abdomen was suddenly gone.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
Johnny? promise me you won't sell the Arby's.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
No I won't. I'm going to shut it down, leave it vacant, open all of the windows and let nature have at it.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. That's prime property on highway 145.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Yes, and there's not a thing you can do about it.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
But it is irresponsible to the community. They should sue you.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I hope they do.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
Well, I'll see to it. I'll go right to the Telluride chamber of commerce.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Do it. The case could be in court for months.
   Bianca:
Rate This Quote
Maybe years. Damm it, Johnny.

Flower Guy

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Floyd:
Rate This Quote
Oop -- Hello.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
I'm sorry. Can I help you?
   Floyd:
Rate This Quote
Hey, that's cool. Is that a French Planet of the Apes poster?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Yeah.
   Floyd:
Rate This Quote
Wow. You know that I heard in Greece they have to chance Charlton Heston's name on movie posters to Charlton Easton Cause in Greek the word Heston means to poop yourself.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
I'm sorry. Do I know you?
   Floyd:
Rate This Quote
No, I don't think so. Uh, you're Liz Lemon, right?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Yeah
   Floyd:
Rate This Quote
Okay. Uh this is super awkward, but did you get two dozen pink roses last night? Yep. There they are.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Those are from you?
   Floyd:
Rate This Quote
Yes. Uh, I work up in legal, and --
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
You're a Lawyer?
   Floyd:
Rate This Quote
I prefer "law stylist" Uh, anyway, I meant to send these to my girlfriend, Liz Lemler, who works in accounting.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Oh.
   Floyd:
Rate This Quote
There's actually supposed to be a box of chocolate covered cherries with this. Did you --
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
I don't know anything about that.
   Floyd:
Rate This Quote
All right. Fair enough. She pouted all night because she thought I forgot to send her something. You know, I told her I did, but she didn't believe me.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
She sounds great.
   Floyd:
Rate This Quote
Yeah, she is. Yeah.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Well... good for y'all. here you go. Sorry about the mix up.
   Floyd:
Rate This Quote
No, no, no, no, no. They were delivered to you. They're yours now.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Thank you.
   Floyd:
Rate This Quote
You're welcome. But I could possibly get a photo of you with the flowers, like with your I.D. Is that all right? You know, just as proof. All right. There we go. Aw, it's a cute one. Thanks. Sorry to bother you. Happy valentines day.
   Vlem:
Rate This Quote
Happy Valentimes!