College    [ Season 5 | Episode: 8 ] - Episode. Explained.

Search:
Character: Scene:
( 270 Quotes Found )

* Quotes are grouped by Scene
 
The Crew Game

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Where are Tracy and Jenna? We're supposed to be rehearsing.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Hey WHAT WHAT! Sorry we haven't had time to get into our costumes yet.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
How are we already behind today?
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Liz, women wearing men's watches is so over. The new thing is to get an Adam's apple.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
My mom just had this fixed for me. It was my grandfather's. He worked for years at Union Station in DC. As a pickpocket.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Hey, hey, hey! Card game, guys. Twenty bucks per, pot's a thousand forty. Who's in?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
What is this, Jabba's pleasure skiff?
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
It's the crew lottery, Liz! You buy a card, if it gets picked you win a thousand bucks. Get a tub of new suits from the Suit Emporium, Kabletown guys notice, your hair grows back... Everything grows back!
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
All right, anybody else?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Fine! I'll take one if it'll get everybody back to work sooner.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
What are you doing? That game is not for soft hands and face workers. It's for strongs and lifters.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
They hate when one of us wins.
   Crew:
Rate This Quote
[flashback] [boos]
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
[flashback] Your boos are not scaring me. I know most of you are not ghosts!
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
C'mon, my card only has a one in fifty-two chance of getting picked anyway.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
How did you know that?! You're like Rain Man. Quick, how many toothpicks are on the ground.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Zero.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
You need to go to Vegas.

pronouncify.com

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Oh, why is Toofer in the punishment corner?
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
I said "time to end the charade and adjust my schedule to buy a new vase." [pronounced sha-RAHD, SHED-yool, and VAHZ]
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Oh, you stay there. You stay there until you die.
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
Look up the pronunciation for schedule on the Internet.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
[looks it up on pronouncify.com]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Schedule. [pronounced SKED-yool]
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
Ha! Stay in the corner.
   Lutz:
Rate This Quote
Wait, that computer. It's- It's Jack's voice!
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
[types in more words]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
America. Whiskey. Liberal.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
No! That can't be Jack! Why would his voice be on some random website? It's impossible?
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
[types in more words]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Lemon. Lesbian. Frankenstein. Wants her. Shoes back.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Oh my God, it is him.

Reminiscing

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
[knocks]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Come in, Lemon. Just revisiting some old GE quarterly reports. My first cover from my first year at the company in 1985.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
[shrieks]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Ha. Good times. Just out of frame is a wheelbarrow full of cocaine.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
So, uh, why the trip down memory lame? Ha ha! High-fiving a million angels.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
The Microwave Division Quarterly Report comes out today. It'll probably be my last with GE now that I'm transitioning to Kabletown. I've been a GE man for twenty-five, and a GE woman for one week of corporate espionage at Revlon.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
So... is there any way you could possibly be the voice of pronouncity.com.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
What? ... No! [types in words]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Those bastards.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Those bastards!
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Who bastards?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Part of my Princeton scholarship included work for the linguistics department. They wanted me to record every word of the dictionary to preserve the perfect American accent in case of nuclear war. Well, the Cold War ended and Princeton began selling the recordings.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
So people can just buy your voice?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Oh, the things it's been dragged into. Thomas the Tank Engine. Wu-Tang songs.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
[cut to music video] Uh. Yeah. Just. Like that. Make 'em clap. Make 'em make 'em clap.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Huh, I always forget you used to be poor.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Thank you. But yes, I've had to work my entire life. It began when my father left and I started working on the Boston docks as a twelve year old stevedore. "Bales up, you micks! Bales up!"
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
You've been working since you were twelve?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I had to. Those jobs puts me through college, but they also kept me from having the college experience. I was up early every morning working my way through the dictionary working my way through the dictionary for the linguistics department or sweeping the floors at the Princeton Monkey Lab. It wasn't the feces that got to you, Lemon. It was the crudely scrawled notes of "help me."
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Yeah, well college wasn't THAT fun, Jack. I mean, sure, the first two weeks are nice.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Lemon, I really don't have time for a long-
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
The fall of 1988. A young Liz Lemon enters the University of Maryland. Richard Marx haircut, pilonidal cyst under control. It was a magical time, Jack!
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Don't worry about getting to your point. I'm going to live forever.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
The registrar accidentally gave me a handicapped room. It was HUGE. And for two weeks it was party central. I was popular. People gave me nicknames. A blonde girl high-fived me. But then, like all good things, it ended... before it even began.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Lemon, that's actually MY thoughtful window staring spot. Visitors stare... [gestures to other window] over here.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
[sighs and stares thoughtfully out her window]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
[sighs and stares thoughtfully out his window]

Saving Face

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
All right, guys, the moment we've all been waiting for. We're picking a winner. Here we go.
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
This is the lucky one. The Four of Clubs. Paula's nickname for my penis.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
And the winning card is... the Queen of Spades!
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
All right.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Who's got it?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Oh brother.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Queen of Spades? Uh?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
[holds up Queen of Spades]
   Crew:
Rate This Quote
Awww... Come on! Boo! Boo! Boooooooooo!
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
[joining crew] She sucks!
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Guys! Guys, I'm not going to keep it. I'm going to take this money and open a tab for all of you after work at Hurley's.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Wait, for real?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
You know it, ARRIFLEX! [reading off his jacket]
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
[points to his name on the other side of his jacket]
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Chris! Is this guy.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Well that is really cool of you.
   Crew:
Rate This Quote
[applauds and cheers]

Success In Absentia

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
[enters her office and adjusts her underwear]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Lemon, can you make sense of this? [hands her paper]
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Well, on some level, yeah, that's a four, that's a nine...
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Something's wrong here, Lemon. According to these numbers the Microwave Division had their best quarter in five years.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
So?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
So they did it without me.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
No they didn't. I mean, you're still the head of that division. You hired everyone there. If they succeeded it's BECAUSE of you.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Lemon, that's the smartest thing you've ever said.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Really? What about three years ago when I said there should be more TV shows about cake?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I'll drive out to R&D in Stanford, congratulate my team, make sure everyone remembers who got them there. They'll probably give me a crystal plaque and I in turn will reward one of them with, uh... name remembrance. Lemon, why does your crew look drunk?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
I won a thousand dollars and I gave them all a bar tab and they got drunk at lunch and now they like me.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Oh Lemon, please. Money can't buy happiness. It IS happiness.

Messing With Pete

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
[nods to Frank]
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
[types words in pronouncify.com]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I. Love. Unicorns.
   Lutz:
Rate This Quote
I told them not to. Let's get out of here, Jack.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I tell you what. Make me say anything you want. Get it out of your system.
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
[types words in pronouncify.com]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Obama. Is. Very. Presidential.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
All right, enough! I was trying to be a good sport, but you should be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of thirty year olds, sitting around acting like college freshmen.
   Lutz:
Rate This Quote
Hey I'm almost forty-six.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
When SOME OF US had to spend their freshmen year MAKING those recordings. And leading a disastrous monkey escape. Grow up. You children.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
[types words in pronouncify.com]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
That. Went. Well.

Jenna's Wisdom

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
[grins] Never did this before. [fist bumps] Say hey, Willie Mays!
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
[enters room] You know, usually everyone around here makes me feel like Hitler. But today I feel like... Hitler in Germany.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Aww, being popular must be such a new experience for you.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Well, it's not entirely new. [hands Jenna photo]
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Wow, I would experiment with that girl.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Too small.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
That's me. For two weeks in college. I was popular for one glorious fortnight and then it went away. I don't know what I did wrong.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
You probably said fortnight.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
No, you didn't do anything, Liz. You were just you. The cool people figured that out and treated you accordingly.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Well ever since I gave the crew that lottery money it's felt like those two weeks again. And you know what, I'm not blowing it this time.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Hang on, you know this charade can't last. [pronounced sha-RAHD] Just like in college everyone here has their role. I'm the hot blonde.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
And I'm the nerd who takes off his glasses and everyone realizes he's handsome.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
And you're the RA.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Only if RA stands for Really Awesome. [leaves room]
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
You are who you are!

Further Pete Messing

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
[answers phone]
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
[types words in pronouncify.com]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Hello. Pete. This. Is. Jack.
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
Jack? Hi. Oh, okay look. What happened way Suzanne from Ad Sales got pushed in to ME in the elevator. I didn't try to touch HER, and the sort of... [groans] sound was about something else.
   Toofer:
Rate This Quote
[types words in pronouncify.com]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Pete. Will. You. Be. My. Friend?
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
Friend? Sure, of course. You know, whenever I tell my wife a work story -- she pointed this out the other day -- I always... always smile a little when I'm talking about you.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
[types words in pronouncify.com]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I. Wish. I. Was. More. Of. A. Free. Spirit. Like. You. Now. Freestyle. Rap. For. Me.
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
[rapping] Rollin' with my homie, me an Jackie D, bitches get ready for a sex party.
   Writers:
Rate This Quote
[laugh]

Liz Keeps In With The Crew

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
[misses thrown football which smashes light] Okay this is why we don't play football in the studio, guys.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Cuz it's too much fun! [goes to high five another crew member]
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
No, no. Nobody high five her.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
What? But it's me, the Lizard. You could start calling me that.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Look, we appreciate what you did for the crew last night, but you left some people out and that's not cool.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
What are you talking about? The Blizzard wouldn't do that. That's another option.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Yeah, the alcoholics, Liz. How are they supposed to enjoy your bar tab?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
I didn't forget about them, Chris. Their... thing just hasn't gotten here yet.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Really?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Yeah, it's a surprise! And who knows what it's going to me? Only the Blizzbian knows.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
All right. [high fives Liz and leaves]
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Whew!
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
How long do you think this can go on?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
I've got it under control!
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
This is why I hated my first two weeks at the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks. No one knew who was the sluttiest. But I showed them. Oh I showed them all! And when we graduated a week later-
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Whatever, Jenna. People's perceptions can change.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
Can they? Look at me. I'm Ogbert the Nerd. Always have been, always will be.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Look, there is no cool Liz. There's only RA Liz.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
You're wrong.
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
My glasses are dirty.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Ogbert?

Microwave Division Has Moved On

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Ahhh, the Microwave Lab. Boys, I received OUR quarterly report yesterday and, uh... Hang on. AJ? Raj? Ramesh? What's going on here? Where are Denesh, Kumar, and Sunavo?
   Ramesh:
Rate This Quote
Sir, this lab requires clearance.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Clearance? Heh. I'm your boss. I'm... Jack Donaghy.
   Ramesh:
Rate This Quote
I'm sorry, your names all sound the same to us, John Donavan.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I've worked here since 1985. I spearheaded the Trivection Oven.
   Ramesh:
Rate This Quote
Trivection? What is this, 2009? [laughs with coworkers] The future is the TK Four Twenty One.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
A new model? How many vections does it have?
   Ramesh:
Rate This Quote
Five.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
[gasps]
   Ramesh:
Rate This Quote
It's the perfect microwave. It even has a new voice feature.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Popcorn. Setting. Medium.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
My God.
   Ramesh:
Rate This Quote
Which one?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Gentlemen I am still the head of this division, and no microwave ships without my say so. And I guarantee you that without my twenty-five years of experience you didn't not build... a perfect microwave. Now I'm going to find out what's wrong with this machine, and when I do... you're going to wish you'd never been born?
   Ramesh:
Rate This Quote
Which... time?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
[carries microwave away]

Spurned Wisdom

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Ah. What are you tinkering with, sir? You know my uncle was a tinkerer. Until the FBI shot him.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Every GE product has to be no more than six sigmas from perfection.
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Duh.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
So I'm taking apart this... piece of junk, until I prove that it should never be released. For the, uh... good of the company.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Ready. Ready.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
[slams fist on microwave]
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Is this about the company, sir? Or is it about you?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I'm sorry, Kenneth, what?
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Sometimes a place can be so special to you that it couldn't possibly continue after you're gone, but after I left Kentucky Mountain Bible College it still kept going. Until it was shut down. Because of the wolves. Maybe this is really about you... not being able to let go.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Tell me, Kenneth, what did you major in at that college?
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Television studies with a minor in Bible sexuality.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
So NOT psychiatry. Uh, thank you, but if you really want to help me, stick your hand in there and see if you get a shock.
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
[sticks hand in microwave which sparks and crackles] [screams] My hand!
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Dammit, it's supposed to do that.

Liz On Top

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Everyone enjoying the ice cream?
   Crew:
Rate This Quote
Yeah!
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
I don't even care that we've taken a... seventy-three minute break to eat it.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
[dog barks and jumps up on her] Oh! Hey! Somebody brought a dog to work. Uh, and it definitely doesn't have any of its own waste on its feet.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Hey, why's Tony sulking?
   Tony:
Rate This Quote
I couldn't go to the bar and now I can't have any ice cream.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
I totally forgot, brosef, you're a lactose intolerant alcoholic.
   Tony:
Rate This Quote
I try to forget too, but Liz made me remember in front of everybody.
   Dancer:
Rate This Quote
Poor Tony.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Not cool, Liz.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
How not cool is this? I remembered how special Tony is, and that's why I got him... this watch.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Hey you think of everything.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
[laughs and starts chanting through a smile] Lizard! Lizard! Lizard! Lizard!
   Crew:
Rate This Quote
[hesitant, but starts chanting] Lizard! Lizard! Lizard! Lizard! Lizard! Lizard! Lizard! Lizard! Lizard! Lizard!

Messing Goes Too Far

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Pete. Can. I. Tell. You. A secret?
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
Of course. I told you about my blankie.
   Writers:
Rate This Quote
[laughs]
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
[types words in pronouncify.com]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
I'm. Lonely. Would. You. Like. To. Come. To. My. Office. Tomorrow. Evening. And. Hang. Out? Bring. Your. Guitar. And. Some. Beer. In. Cans. And. We. Will. Jam.
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
Okay, yeah, great. And about that Kabletown stuff, maybe we could talk about some new opportunities for me?
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
[types words in pronouncify.com]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Yes. I. Will. Make. Your. Dreams. Come. True. Make. Sure. You wear. One of those. Mexican. Ponchos.
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
Okay.
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
[high fives writers] Yes! Nice! Yeah!

Still Spurned

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
All right, Kenneth. Simulate a rain storm.
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
[pours water on microwave, which sputters]
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Sir, I was wrong about the hypothermia. I don't even feel cold anymore. I don't feel anything.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Quiet. Look. The display is malfunctioning.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Defrost. Power. Time left. Pizza.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Oh really? That's how much time is left? Pizza?
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Mr. Donaghy, I don't know what point you think you're proving. Who would microwave something in a freezing rainstorm.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Why don't you ask Chokti, an Inuit who wants a hot bowl of noglak. A man and food I just made up to illustrate a point.
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
Sir, you have to let go. At least that's what my nanna is telling me from that tunnel of light behind you.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Kenneth, I've told you this before. Your nanna is an idiot.

Liz Shirks Duty To Stay Cool

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Lutz:
Rate This Quote
Liz, we're pranking Pete and it's going too far. Please stop us.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Why would I? I love pranks. I'm not the RA.
   Lutz:
Rate This Quote
[stammers] But someone has to be that person! [whispers] Hey. Everyone stop. Listen to Lutz. [everyone ignores him]

Jack Concedes

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
[arrives carrying microwave] Hello gentlemen. Remember me?
   Ramesh:
Rate This Quote
Yes, I had the Greek salad.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
You know I'm not a delivery man. I'm wearing a suit and carrying a microwave. A so-called "perfect" microwave. [presses button on microwave]
   Ramesh:
Rate This Quote
Start time. 19:85.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
19:85. That's not a time. I guess it could be a year. The year I started working here, actually. That's interesting.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
19:85.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Yes, 19:85, thank you. And since 1985 I have never allowed a sub-par product-
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Stop.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
The point is. My legacy here is -
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
[keeps beeping] Over. Done. Over. End. Stop.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
That's my voice.
   Ramesh:
Rate This Quote
You all sound the same to us, Chuck Tanqueray.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
That was me. Thirty years ago. A young man who dreamed of running this company. Who made a lot of sacrifices... in pursuit of that dream.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Goodbye. Potato. Goodbye.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
But he's right. It's over. Congratulation on making... the finest microwave I've ever seen. [leaves]
   Delivery Man:
Rate This Quote
[looks identical to Jack] Who ordered the Greek salad?
   Ramesh:
Rate This Quote
Are we racist, or do those guys look a lot alike?

College

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
[strums guitar] You ready for this, J-dog? Jam out, drink some brews, talk about everything and nothing.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
After today, that is exactly what I am ready for. [claps hands] Beer me.
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
[hands Jack a beer]
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
[cracks beer and sighs] Sitting around, drinking beer while a guy in a poncho plays guitar... this is what I always pictured college being like.
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
I wouldn't really know. I only had about two weeks of real college before Paula got pregnant. Twice. She had overlapping pregnancies five months apart.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
[sighs] Hey, Pete. Do you know Aqualung?
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
[laughs and starts playing guitar] Baw baw baw baw baw.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
[sings] Sitting on a park bench. I don't know the words except park bench.

The Return of the RA

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Jimmy Slice! Gay Bones! Mikey-Mike!
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Do not even use my awesome nickname.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
What? Why? Crisco.
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Did you give Tony your grandfather's watch?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
No. You can't prove that?
   Chris:
Rate This Quote
Hmm. [hold up watch] Ah. [reads back of watch] "Not stolen property of Adolf Lemon." Why would you do that? To get us to like you? Are you that desperate?
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
No. I'm not desperate. I'm... I... Just tell me what you want me to say and I'll say it.
   Jenna:
Rate This Quote
Liz. It's over. They know what you really are.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Fine. You found me out. I'm not a cool kid.
   Crew:
Rate This Quote
You suck!
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
You know who I am? I'm the RA. And do you know what the RA's purview is? Rules. And guess what. According to the NBC Employee Handbook, your little card game-lottery constitutes gambling, so you're not doing it anymore.
   Crew:
Rate This Quote
[moans]
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Also, the next time I see someone throwing a football in here, there will be fines. And... if I see that filthy dog again, I will put it down. I will put it down with a smile.
   Crew:
Rate This Quote
[moans]
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Back to work everyone!
   Crew:
Rate This Quote
[boos and jeers]
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
I love you too. High fiving a million angels.

Liz Goes Back To College

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Hey, Pete. How do I know that the colors you see are the same as the colors that I see? Maybe what I see as red you perceive as green.
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
We should be writing this stuff down.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Oh. I didn't think anybody would be in here. I mean, I brought you guys a pizza.
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Lemon, think fast! [throws empty can at Liz]
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
[gets hit in head] What is going on here?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Join us. Pete and I are having a little college night.
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
Oh yeah? Wanna see me shotgun this?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
Oh God, she means the pizza!
   Pete:
Rate This Quote
She's unhinging her jaw!

Animal House Epilogue

Share Quotes Facebook | Twitter   Rate your favorite quote
   Frank:
Rate This Quote
[wearing dog collars and standing shirtless in an ice tub with Toofer and Lutz] C'mon! We were just pranking Pete. How long do we have to do this?
   Jack:
Rate This Quote
You wanted college to go on forever? You got it. [screen reads: Jack Donaghy had promised his pregnant girlfriend he wouldn't drink. He spent the night on a couch that cost more than your car.]
   Liz:
Rate This Quote
[flashback to Liz fist bumping] [screen reads: Later that night, Liz Lemon's pilonidal cyst returned. It is currently her best friend.]
   Kenneth:
Rate This Quote
[flashback to Kenneth on Jack's balcony] [screen reads: Kenneth Parcell briefly died on Jack's balcony. He came back with a message from God that he has forgotten.]
   Tracy:
Rate This Quote
[flashback to Tracy wearing glasses] [screen reads: Ogbert 'Tracy' Jordan went on to invent a new kind of borkulator.]