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Jack:
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Lemon. I've decided to hire Devon Banks.
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Liz:
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Banks? But he's your nemesis. That would be like me hiring that mouse that keeps pooping in my slippers.
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Jack:
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Devon is the perfect man to fix TWINKS. He's a gay shark, like the actor who played Jaws.
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Liz:
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But he's going to come in and try to ruin everything and everything is already ruining itself.
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Jack:
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Not this time. Banks put all of his eggs in the Obama basket. When the administration started to falter because of our conspiracy- I mean Obama's ineptitude, he tried to distance himself publicly from uh... your president.
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Obama:
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The recession we're emerging from was primarily caused by a lack of responsibility and accountability...
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Jack:
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Then he tried to rejoin us capitalists. Showed up at John Paulson's sweet sixteen billion party. Nobody would talk to him. Not even Ira. And he was all "oh I'll just look at these books" then pretended to get a text and left. And we were all like "whatever, we'll go to iHop. And not tell him." [snickers]
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Liz:
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Jack:
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I tracked him down to an address in Brooklyn. He's on LinkedIn, Lemon. He might as well be dead. So I throw him a lifeline: if he comes crawling back like a gay, uh... crab, I guess? What else crawls, Lemon.
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Liz:
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Babies, Jack. You have one.
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Jack:
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Hank Hooper is a traditionalist. He had his first heart attack when he saw pineapple on a pizza. He'll hate Banks and his hairless nostrils. A man should have nose hairs.
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Liz:
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Hooper will hate Devon and he'll never be able to go over your head.
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Jack:
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Exactly. I'll pay him for his ideas and, uh... kick him out the door.
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Liz:
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Speaking of TV ideas, would you buy a show about a girl television writer trying to have it all in the city and also she's a vampire I guess.
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Jack:
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I like the end part. Uh, Lemon, why do you have a blank notepad with "Plan B" written on it?
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Liz:
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Because I'm freaking out. I told everyone about the forced hiatus.
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Jack:
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Wait, you said "forced hiatus?"
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Liz:
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Yeah! I didn't know it was code for "cancelled."
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Jack:
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I thought we understood each other!
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Liz:
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I thought we understood that you are never to think that I understand anything!
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Jack:
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And you have no plan B? I've been telling you to prepare for the end of TGS for the last two years.
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Liz:
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Well there have been a lot of Amazing Races on since then and I had to watch them and go online and comment on them.
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Jack:
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Here are your options: you can go to LA...
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Liz:
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Nuhhh... I've been to LA once.
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Liz:
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Olive just turns into Bartham?
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Rioter:
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Liz:
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Rioter:
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Jack:
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You can't afford to be selective. Opportunities for writers are fewer are farther between.
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Liz:
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What about opportunities for storytellers? Beginning with the cave paintings Lascaux, mankind-
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Jack:
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I can get you a meeting with Nick Lachey for The Sing-Off.
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Liz:
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