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Guy:
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[singing] And the home of the brave!
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D'Fwan:
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Jason, I really like your look. You got it popping tonight.
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John McEnroe:
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I totally disagree because I love your look! You're a star. Believe in your dreams! Thank you!
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Jenna:
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Jason, have you ever put out a cigar on Gilbert Gottfried's neck? Because I have, and his screams were the worst thing I'd ever heard ... until tonight. Congratulations, you're a disgrace.
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Liz:
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Shoobie doobie, shoobie doobie doobie, shoobie doobie doo-Wah! Roll my ankle. God!
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Jenna:
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Also, Jason, if you think you're passing for straight, you're embarrassing yourself.
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Jack:
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Seventeen million people watched that show last night.
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Liz:
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Not me! I've got better things to do than watch Jenna humiliate children.
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Jack:
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So you don't care that Shayla made it to the next round?
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Liz:
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Jack:
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What can I tell you? The audience just loves Shayla's personal story. Did you know that both her mothers are serial killers? That's America.
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Liz:
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Shoobie doobie, shoobie doobie doobie. So did you miss me over the break?
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Jack:
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Of course! A little less than my kidnapped wife but I did get a nice Christmas card from ... Avery and ... Kim Jong-un. But at least I had some quality time with Liddy. She's like a little human tumbler of scotch.
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Liz:
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You turning soft on me Donaghy? If you want, I can recommend a good gynecologist. You know, because I really like my guy, he's sort of a Doogie Howser-type, but younger. Aren't you going to ask me how my--?
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Jack:
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No. I know exactly how your holidays were. You took the train to your parents' house. On Christmas Eve, you forgot that eggnog has alcohol in it, and got into a shoving match with your aunt about who puts the star on top of the tree.
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Liz:
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It was my year! What, Lupus lets you just cuts the line?
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Jack:
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You received two sweaters that you really didn't like, and got your dad a book on World War II that he already owned--
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Liz:
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Wow. You really think you know everything about me, don't you?
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Jack:
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Yes, after six years, I really do.
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Liz:
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Well I will have you know that there are aspect of my life about which you know nothing.
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Jack:
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Uh, take off that jacket. If you're not wearing one of those Christmas sweaters out of guilt, I'll give you $1000.
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Liz:
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Wrong, Jack, because they weren't sweaters--they were dickeys! Happy 2012!
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