Tracy's Top 250 Quotes

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1 Tracy So Here’s some advice I wish I would’ve got when I was your age: Live every week, like it’s "shark week".
2 Tracy Why don't Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I'll tell you why. Because the Pope owns Long John Silvers.
3 Tracy Yeah, they're not worth nothing. You could probably sell them to a doll company and get maybe $40,000 for them.
4 Tracy I studied fried chicken at the school of hard knocks. Ain't that right, Mr. Jack?
5 Tracy Imagine Christmas wishes, shooting out of your eyes. A candy cane full of snow dreams. a stocking full of smiles. It's a Jordan Christmas!
6 Tracy If i start screaming in my sleep do NOT wake me up. I will attack you. [starts snoring] YAAAAA! WAKE ME UP! FREE FROM THIS! [snores] LAAAAHHHH HA!
7 Tracy It's going super great, Dotcom. Meet my new friends, ''Nobody'', and his wife, ''Susan walters-Hyphen-Nobody''. I'm so far from my roots, I don't think I'll ever get back. what's that sound? Bucket drummers!
8 Tracy Liz Lemon, recently, I realized that I have a hole in my heart. And not the one I got from eating batteries. It's 'cause I don't have a daughter.
9 Tracy Splock... Short for ''Black Spock''.
10 Tracy This better be ''meetment''. I'm importing.
11 Tracy Don't even get me started on marriage. [silence] Thank you.
12 Tracy I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo! They were very drunk!
13 Tracy The capital of the United Arab Emirates is Abu Dhabi. I know that cuz if I go back there I'll be executed.
14 Tracy Yo, me Toofer and Frank are going to be writing my book all day long, and I think my snake is sick. So I need you to go out to my car and rub his belly until he poops.
15 Tracy I can’t read! I sign my name with an X! I once tried to make mashed potatoes with laundry detergent. I think I voted for Nader! NADER!
16 Tracy I am A JEDI! I am A JEDI! I am A JEDI!
17 Tracy The Kitchen Debate with Richard Nixon. Richard M. Nixon. The M Train. Soul train. Chicken soup for the soul. Chicken soup. Soup kitchen. This is a Leap Day miracle!
18 Tracy Oh right. I did an ad and insisted on being paid in Beni Bucks.
19 Tracy Yes! A Native American paradise!
20 Tracy Thinking basketball was the ticket out. Being wrong.
21 Tracy I will make a brief statement on behalf of the idiot community, then I will open the floor for questions. Since its founding early this afternoon, the National Association for Zero Intolerance, or NAZI … We should change that.
22 Tracy Pay attention to me LL or else I'm going to do something self-destructive. For example, I just got an honorary sheriff's badge and I'm going to start making real arrests.
23 Tracy Hey, Liz Lemon. Could you go away for a while? l got to get rid of Freddie's erection.
24 Tracy Don't go, Liz Lemon ! There's still an after-after- after-after-after party! l just got to take my kids to soccer first! Hey, whose roof is this?
25 Tracy That's why my life is not like The Cosby Show. I only have boys. And boys are disgusting! I need a baby girl. Don't patronize me! Stop laughing! It's not funny! I need a baby girl! Don't slit my vas deferens!
26 Tracy Every day. I thought having a family was going to be like The Cosby Show. ''Oh, no, Vanessa went to a concert.'' ''Oh, no, Rudy and I are making a sandwich for 25 minutes.'' The Cosby Show was a lie. Having a family can be the worst. For example, I have this strip club story from this weekend I need to tell you, Jackie D. It is disgusting. But I can't, because I've got this little D-bag here.
27 Tracy That's what Danny was saying. We have to be cool to everybody. Because the future is like a Japanese game show. You have no idea what's going on.
28 Tracy I hooked the ball onto a truck on the Long Island Expressway, and Tracy Jordan does not take mulligans. Good thing you had to move out of that house. Some idiot rammed his boat that I was driving into it.
29 Tracy Fore! Hey guys! It's me, Tracy! The black guy from work.
30 Tracy The party hasn't started. That's just the guys setting up. Can I borrow a cup of sugar? I'm trying to get a hummingbird to drink out of my penis.
31 Tracy Oh, yeah, I forgot, Dotcom. You know everything about acting because you played a bird in some stupid school play.
32 Tracy Orange and black decorations? Is this Halloween or Princeton Parents' Weekend? I don't know whether to be scared or proud of my cousin.
33 Tracy And then your wife starts getting all mad because the roof won't close and the bed that's in the shape of your face is getting rained on? I like you, Rolly. Can I feel the rough skin on your hands?
34 Tracy Right on, my brother. My dear friend, Moby, opened up a tea house in Park Slope. Does he know you? Hey, Rolly. You ever lose your remote control?
35 Tracy But I wasn't even supposed to say that! The line was "Sherinne, I hope Dr. Mugutu has good news about my endoscopy," but I couldn't get it right so they told me to improv!
36 Tracy No! It's un-brave! You should hate me!
37 Tracy As a time saver I will refer to the two of you as Clemen. I wanted that next level, Clemen. Now remember, to save time, you two are Clemen. It's a combination of-
38 Tracy Oh, yes, you are. Click. I said ''click'' to distract you from the sound of the handcuffs.
39 Tracy I'm glad you feel that way. Because Angie's on her way up, and I want you to tell her for me.
40 Tracy Come over here, I said. In my normal tone of voice.
41 Tracy I blame you three for my unhealthy attitude towards women! You have created an atmosphere of hostility and intolerance that everyone talks about all the time!
42 Tracy We're going to name her after the place that she was conceived. It was a pretty wild night. So we're going to name her either Virginia, NetJet, or Bathroom at Teterboro Airport.
43 Tracy No, It's off me! A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory. It's on you, Liz Lemon. And you will be punished.
44 Tracy No, I wouldn't. Not for a billion doll hairs.
45 Tracy Al Sharpton would renounce him at a press conference on the street because Al Sharpton doesn't have an office.
46 Tracy But my incompetence knows no bounds!
47 Tracy Yes, just now.
48 Tracy I'm not scared of you people, and I don't think those cashews look like a bowl of baby penises. Being a EGOT is fun! Here's to me spending the rest of my life in rooms like this! [audience applauds]
49 Tracy Your performance.
50 Tracy Got it, no farting.
51 Tracy Do they give an award for Tarantula Misplacement?
52 Tracy Honey, I'm home! Pac-Man, I'm Jewish! Jeffrey, we lost the tournament! I can't do seven more performances.
53 Tracy Five years ago I saved YOUR show! I rode in here on a white horse that you made me leave in the lobby. All you do is stifle me when you should be thanking me.
54 Tracy Every crazy A-lister owns an island. Nicholas Cage, Celine Dion, Charles Whitmore. This is a whole new world in front of me L.L.! I'm like Stout Cortez! He's my gardener. He's easily amazed.
55 Tracy Oh, good morning. Lemaroney... something horrible happened to me last night. I had a dream that Kenneth and I got intimate in a portable Jacuzzi. It was crazy. Glistening black and white skin. It looked like a close up of a killer whale being born.
56 Tracy You know, I've been wanting to say this for a few seconds now. This workplace has become a hotbed of old school racism.
57 Tracy Oh, yeah, just ask the black guy. 'Cause we all know each other. Pete, could you tell a bald eagle to stop scaring me at zoos?
58 Tracy Wait, I don't walk that well.
59 Tracy This is bad! Because I can't change. I'm like a chameleon... Always a lizard! [Phone buzzing] This better be a meeting. 'Cause I'm important!
60 Tracy Hey, Ken. Isn't that a fun place to stand? Oh, I forgot to warn you about my dog, Tracy Sr. I trained him to hate white people. Because, not to profile, but most ghosts are white. This is my boy, here. And look what Angie did to him. She set up an invisible fence. He gets shocked if he tries to leave the property. Just because he'd run away and cause car accidents and impregnate neighbors' horses. He's trapped here, just like me.
61 Tracy Great update, Ken. Thanks for checking in. Talk to you later.
62 Tracy But I couldn't thunder last night, because I had to take Angie to the E.R. She had some complications with her pregnancy. So that kind of trumps your little problem.
63 Tracy I seen a hooker eat a tire!
64 Tracy Why did you bring me here? I blocked all this stuff out for a reason. Oh, Lord! Some guy with dreads electrocuted my fish!
65 Tracy It's all coming back to me. Oh, my God! I slept on an old dog bed stuffed with wigs.
66 Tracy You wouldn't believe this, but that business failed. I blame Obama. But the good news is Donald has a brand new venture. Sell 'em, son.
67 Tracy Gentlemen, tonight I'm gonna laugh harder- tonight, at... than I did at Dotcom's play.
68 Tracy That's Tracy Jordan spelled backwards.
69 Tracy C'mon, I don't know that.
70 Tracy Explain the rules.
71 Tracy Yeah, then I could go, "Rodney, don't make me come over there and beat you in the head with one of my boom-booms!"
72 Tracy I shouldn’t expect a white woman from Whiteville to understand street cred.
73 Tracy That’s what I’m saying. That’s character assassination. That’s not normal. It only looks like I’m walking out of a Starbucks, when actually I’m doing the robot going backwards into a Starbucks. And I don’t even know who’s dog that is! Yes. I steal dogs.
74 Tracy I feel as though a great weight has been lifted off of me Liz Lemon. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. All thanks to one very, very special white lady. I’ll be late tomorrow. Damn! George Will just gets more and more conservative.
75 Tracy Too late Liz Lemon. He called me five minutes ago.
76 Tracy You did real good the other day with those nachos, but I need you to do something of a diffrent nature.Okay, would you agree when I say that a man's freedom only exists when he's free to pursue his desires?
77 Tracy Oh, that's Spanish for "remember your mother."
78 Tracy Get Down!
79 Tracy Hmm mhm, suck it Pete!
80 Tracy Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other, to distract us, while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets. That’s a metaphor!
81 Tracy Then I'll take a vodka and tonic.
82 Tracy Are you a pre-op transcentaur?
83 Tracy There was a better kid's birthday party up the street.
84 Tracy Come over here and check out my corner. No trap.
85 Tracy Kenneth, your haircut is disrespectful to lesbians.
86 Tracy That stupid, Irish, piece of... Oh, boy. Boston is not going to go well.
87 Tracy And I would anticipate your angling and I would get there. I would get there.
88 Tracy A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy's!
89 Tracy No, Liz Lemon. It's like the thing I said in another movie I made: "Compromises are for lesser souls. Die, werewolf-zombie."
90 Tracy Cause I’m gonna drop truth bombs. You know how pissed of I was when US weekly said I was on crack? That’s racist. I’m not on crack. I’m straight up mentally ill!
91 Tracy That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. Episcopal.
92 Tracy Of course, friend. Teamwork is the key to success.
93 Tracy I want you to call my phone so I can hear the chicken dance again.
94 Tracy The Cosby Show lied to me.
95 Tracy It's ''Take Your Black Kid to Work Day''.
96 Tracy New what? If it's a blonde woman, I'm going to kill myself!
97 Tracy I would like some chicken nuggets, a beer, and some of my wife's rice, to stay.
98 Tracy I am a Jedi!
99 Tracy Here come the roofies.
100 Tracy I'm sorry I did this to you, half a Clemen. I had no choice. Sean Penn wanted me to go to Haiti with him and I'm not strong enough for the pain and the human misery of a three hour plane ride with Sean Penn. I'm tried of hiding. I just want my old life back.
101 Tracy I am going to EGOT. For us. For the family. And especially for little Chewbaquina Jordan.
102 Tracy Uh-oh, Ken. We may have fallen into the intellectual deep end here. And if you try to grab onto me, we'll both drown.
103 Tracy Of course not. The Aryan hates and fears the African man, as we so clearly saw in the Blade movies.
104 Tracy Our basketball hoop was a ribcage. A ribcage!
105 Tracy I watched a prostitute stab a clown.
106 Tracy So for me to be there at the birth of my daughter, I have to answer trivia questions, despite having gone to middle school in a Exxon station?
107 Tracy (Flashback) Let’s go rescue Karen... Or whatever. Is it Sheryl? Then she can tell us where the drugs are -- I mean gold. Then we got the car chase. I’m getting way too old for this. Was I supposed to say that then?
108 Tracy Nah uh. Superman does good, You doing well. You need to study your grammar, son.
109 Tracy I ain’t doing it unless I can get to do it my way. You know, I want it to be raw. HBO style content.
110 Tracy There are tears falling on her boobies, Liz Lemon.
111 Tracy Your hair did? You just got your hair did. You have to get your hair did again?
112 Tracy I had another freaky ''Kenmare''.
113 Tracy You know how on St. Bart's, people be eating their lobsters like this? [Eating sounds] Don't look at me in the eyes!
114 Tracy I know it's a girl, Liz Lemon. Because I yelled, ''Susan B. Anthony'' at the moment of conception.
115 Tracy Wake up, Tracy! Wake up! I don't want a vasectomy, Dr. Spaceman. I need to go back in time. Why did I sell my DeLorean to Mr. T?
116 Tracy These... these are my people! Bucket drummers, if you are striking, so am I. Two, four, six, eight, 10, 1 2, 14, 16, 18.
117 Tracy You look regular. Can I guess your name? Is it Pedro? Is it Craigford? Is it Swimming?
118 Tracy Are you a large child or a small adult?
119 Tracy Racist.
120 Tracy Uh-huh. And before you worked here, were you an ass scientist? Because your ass... blah-blah-blah. You get the point.
121 Tracy I think the better question is "What ISN'T an actor?" A lamp. A couch. That mirror. Or a hidden pistol. An actor --
122 Tracy From Yankee Stadium.
123 Tracy ''Tom Cruise,'' 'cause that's how Oprah says it. ''To-o-o-o-o-m !''
124 Tracy This is going to be the scariest Princeton Parents' Weekend ever!
125 Tracy I can't eat this, I'm a foodie.
126 Tracy I lied to all you ugly white ladies. I didn't go to Africa. I was hiding in a warehouse in Queens watching vintage pornography.
127 Tracy Why don't you shut your mouth, back that ass up, and make me a sandwich.
128 Tracy It's not a leash! It's a very long skin tag!
129 Tracy Is it me, or is Liz Lemon getting hotter?
130 Tracy Liz Lemon... you booger face! I'm going to kill you with a bazooka!
131 Tracy There you are! Your Kenneth and I were worried sick about you!
132 Tracy I don't remember saying you could listen to that conversation, but continue.
133 Tracy No. I wasn't going to buy two blimps and crash them into each other to see what sound they made.
134 Tracy Fine. I'll be there soon. And if you get hungry, you can help yourself to anything in the fridge. And once I'm there, I'll determine how much to charge you.
135 Tracy To be honest, I couldn't really understand anything Rick James was saying.
136 Tracy Well definitely the foreign films. Like the political ones where you think there'll be no boobies, then BAM! Boobies.
137 Tracy And good for you, Liz Lemon. There's something about you lately. Make me want to put my feet in your mouth.
138 Tracy Yeah, I had to go to reading class. You hear this mess about sometimes "Y" being a vowel? What a world.
139 Tracy Lemon. Lemon. Can I be real with you?
140 Tracy Hang on, have you not left this building since you were mugged?
141 Tracy My ringtone is the chicken dance. If I answer it, I won't hear the whole song!
142 Tracy What can l do? l'm on my grind. l'm gonna have so much money my grandkids are gonna play lacrosse. Lacrosse, Liz Lemon.
143 Tracy Let's blow this joint! lt's about to turn back into a taxi dispatch set-up. You going to the after-after-after-after party?! Well, let's rock!
144 Tracy Well, I hope he makes me an across helmet so I don't get hurt playing across. Now come on. That's pretty solid for a guy who just came out of a hallucination.
145 Tracy [laughs] I get it now! It's so funny! Everyone laugh! NOW, you sons of bitches!
146 Tracy It was either that or play a rapping doorman in a Kate Hudson movie.
147 Tracy That's crazy! A man named Elia. That's a giraffe's name.
148 Tracy Great, I'll be in touch. You still using your Hotmail account?
149 Tracy That's a pun on Amadeus, dummy. I will not be judged by you. You caused this whole folderol. And until you are adequately debased, you will subsidize my predilection for erotica. Oh, yeah. And I used your credit card to buy a vocabulary course from The Teaching Company.
150 Tracy Oh, yeah. There's a garbage bag in the hallway with a reef shark in it. Just put him in the tub with a reef. what's for dinner tonight? I want pierogies.
151 Tracy Sure, find a scapegoat. Just like John Hancock did with the good King George.
152 Tracy I knew it! For a dude that has the most hilarious last name I've ever heard, you blow! We didn't land on Plymouth Rock! Plymouth Rock landed on Mars!
153 Tracy Oh, hold on. Dotcom is confirming that he drowned.
154 Tracy As am I, Liz Lemon. It'll probably involve a guitar-playing chimpanzee that I bought this morning.
155 Tracy I'm sorry we were stressing you out. We shouldn't do that. It could turn your child into a Dracula.
156 Tracy Congratulations. I am not interested in godfather duties.
157 Tracy Do not mention the underwater city of Sironicon. Got it.
158 Tracy Let's do it again from the top. I want to get it perfect, because perfection is my middle name. "Unclaimed Perfection Baby Boy."
159 Tracy [from the phone Dotcom's holding] Line!
160 Tracy You're going to pour glue in the lock. That's how my kids keep me out of the liquor cabinet.
161 Tracy Don't throw a party for vengeance. It will turn on you. Like your wife, after your kid has fallen into a quarry.
162 Tracy Maybe this will get Angie to stop calling me irresponsible. Just stay focused and take this sandwich to my wife. Nope, I'm in a strip club. My bad.
163 Tracy So you're...
164 Tracy Goodnight! Stay tuned for a special Mother's Day edition of Bitch Hunter!
165 Tracy A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom!
166 Tracy I seen a blind guy bite a police horse!
167 Tracy If you've learned anything from me, it's how to do a bad job. Go, honor me. Save yourself. But first, get me a sandwich.
168 Tracy Okay. You remember Donald. My son who's two years older than me.
169 Tracy Be bad at snapping. Got it.
170 Tracy I keep hallucinating Kenneth. Am I going crazy again? Should I get my rainbow wig out of storage?
171 Tracy All right. Just one. I got to be downtown dressed as a ninja by 10:00.
172 Tracy Aah!
173 Tracy I'm unbelievable? What about your racist mess? Thinking a grown man is illiterate. That's the subtle racism of lowered expectations. Bing Crosby said that.
174 Tracy I can't read, Liz Lemon! My shameful secret is out. Now you know why I'm always running into the ladies' bathroom.
175 Tracy Does anyone want to be my friend? I'm normal!
176 Tracy F.U.L.L. spells "full," because you're full of B.S., Liz Lemon.
177 Tracy I don't know what to tell you. They're making me rehearse. I know Pat Benatar rarely performs live. Scalp the damm tickets!
178 Tracy How would you like it if I did and impression of you Liz Lemon? I'm Liz Lemon. I wear man shirts. Watch me skateboard.
179 Tracy Jesus was black!
180 Tracy Closer to Cherkassy.
181 Tracy Don’t worry, he was in the Navy.
182 Tracy [voicemail message] Hi, this is Tracy's cell phone. Dot Com, hold the steering wheel, I gotta leave my outgoing message. What'd I just hit? Was that a person? Is that paint or blood? Dot Com, this did not happen! We take this to our graves!
183 Tracy Was Dotcom standing that gay?
184 Tracy Boo!
185 Tracy I know you've been molested. That's how we all got here. But I don't want to hear about it.
186 Tracy You will be punished! Can I have my nunchuks back?
187 Tracy Well, I yelled ''Baba Booey'' at Walter Cronkite's funeral, so I actually have no idea of what's rude or not.
188 Tracy Wait, great like good, or grate like the thing I dropped my asthma inhaler down the other day? [wheezes]
189 Tracy Sure is. Wanna go kiss in the prop cage?
190 Tracy I am a stabbing robot. I will stab you.
191 Tracy Make the letters bigger, Toof!
192 Tracy There is one thing. Could you take care of Angie like a husband until this whole assache blows over?
193 Tracy Hello, fellow human being. would you like to ask me what time it is?
194 Tracy New dude is as good at singing as Tracy Jordan is at everything.
195 Tracy J-train, as you may know, I was in a film called Hard to Watch, and the "pundits" think that I have a "chance" at an "Oscar" and I just learned about "air quotes."
196 Tracy Always have been, always will be.
197 Tracy Great impression of a guy that sucks, Dotcom! Look, we got a lot of work to catch up on.
198 Tracy So how are you feeling? Any arm pain? Shortness of breath? Plans to investigate corruption in Russia?
199 Tracy What does that even mean!?
200 Tracy Verdukianism? That doesn't make sense. Jimmy is Catholic.
201 Tracy Grizz, when was the last time you told your fiancee you love her? Since the phone call I interrupted to make this announcement!
202 Tracy Uh oh. It's night time. Gotta go to bed or I'll anger the Gods. They must be crazy! Africa!
203 Tracy Never better. I'm as happy as a clam who wants to kill some woman.
204 Tracy I saved a lot of kids from lame sex!
205 Tracy You probably said fortnight.
206 Tracy SHE is an orca, Benjamin. FYI, they're very difficult to keep in a home aquarium.
207 Tracy Pete Hornberger, tonight is the night we celebrate our bodies and out minds. Hit it!
208 Tracy What happened?
209 Tracy Please. You can't hurt me. I did stand up on the road. Crowd once threw a motorcycle at me.
210 Tracy Hi I’m Tracy Jordan. I’m black NBC! Very proud, like peacocks. Right Janet? I think we got it! I think we got it.
211 Tracy I haven't had a real job in like two years. I'm not used to all these cue cards and all of that.
212 Tracy Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. We are strong! No one call tell us we're wrong! Searching our hearts for so long!
213 Tracy Hug it out ma'am!
214 Tracy Why not? The Bronx turned me dyslexic.
215 Tracy No I'm not. I took a Real Age Test that said I'm dead.
216 Tracy Yo, Lemon ! You coming to the after-after-after party?!
217 Tracy Don't ever tell me what to do! Quad hug me in the middle! Also, due to a paperwork mix up, you will not be getting paid this month!
218 Tracy Excuse me, sir. Do you want to hold hands with a black millionaire?
219 Tracy I'd first like to thank my creative team for coming in on such short notice. And I'm sorry I'm four hours late. Dotcom, research update.
220 Tracy No need. I got something better than presents for you and the kids. I got us all this ''EGOT'' necklace for me.
221 Tracy Sure, I know him from the secret black people meetings. Nah, I'm just kidding. He's not invited. But who's ''EGOT''?
222 Tracy Yes, perfect. What's that? I want it. I forgot why I originally came in here.
223 Tracy Six, I knew it was a character from Blossom, but I couldn't find the ''Joey Russo'' button.
224 Tracy Oh sure! Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Paul Simon, Invictus.
225 Tracy ''Purr-fect''! Like a cat birthday! How can I possibly get in trouble on a walking tour?
226 Tracy I suck? The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame sucks. [Crowd booing] Hello.
227 Tracy Wow, I've always wanted one of these. The box would make a perfect coffin for my teddy bear.
228 Tracy No, you already said all on the show. You said it all! [hugging] I got there.
229 Tracy Yes, he probably picked up your scent and is hunting you. I suggest you cut off a finger and throw it in the river.
230 Tracy Nermal, I hate you, Nermal! Almost as much as I hate Mondays! This is my lasagna! You hear me, Nermal? My lasagna!
231 Tracy On behalf of Grizz and Feyonce, I'd like to thank Jack Donaghy for letting us have this reception here after the other location couldn't support the weight of Grizz's extended family.
232 Tracy Remember that night we had the three-way with Elayne Boosler? [ Laughs ]
233 Tracy l'm not doing any of that.
234 Tracy You know when a dude knows he's going to turn into a werewolf and locks himself into a jail? Well I'm embarrassed to say I missed the birth of both of my sons. For very legitimate reasons.
235 Tracy Bernie Mac doesn’t do it, 'cause he’d be ugly as hell. Forget it. I’m not wearing this dress. It’s prejudicial.
236 Tracy Audience, let me ask you a question. How many times has this happened to you? Or this? Seem familiar? Bread is one of the worst things in the world, but we've already needed it. Until now. By burning three different types of meat together, the Tracy Jordan Meet Machine takes bread out of equation. Now you're sandwich is all of the good stuff. That's delicious!
237 Tracy Oh, you mean Jesus?
238 Tracy Donaghy, I need your help!
239 Tracy I got one little errand for you to run. Tomorrow's my anniversary, and I almost forgot about it. But What did I tell you was the secret to having a good marriage and keeping it together, Kenneth?
240 Tracy So how you doing over there, Theo Huxtable?
241 Tracy Right here. This is where I grew up.
242 Tracy Where's the love? Right on. Hey, let me get two half a chickens and some pecan waffles.
243 Tracy This round, Texas Doozy, Face cards are wild, 3 is a Jinx, 5s are 2s.
244 Tracy Excuse me. Do you have change for a $10,000 bill?
245 Tracy You did good.
246 Tracy I said we're not going to a strip club.
247 Tracy Why would you pretend to help Jack? Help him for real! It takes the same amount of time.
248 Tracy And I have no reason to hug her other than my love of having boobs pressed against me.
249 Tracy [still to the tune of Billy Joel's Uptown Girl] That's too bad, but if I sing you cannot do anything to make me look bad on your TV show and also let me stay that Liz is a ho. A dirty ho.
250 Tracy I'm torn, K-Pax. I know I should be here, but my body's going to take me to Liz Lemon's. What do I do? Put the electric dog collar on me.