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Name
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Quote
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1
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Dr. Spaceman
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I'm also listed under meth addiction and child psychiatry. So, what can I help you with? I should start by saying that I can't personally help you conceive. Something happened to me while scuba diving.
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2
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Dr. Spaceman
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Say no more. If it's giving people meat, then I'm on board. I've always said Humans need more animal blood. It keeps the spine straight.
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3
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Dr. Spaceman
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You boys need anything while you're here? Some reds? Yellows? Just got some purples in from Peru.
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4
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Dr. Spaceman
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And it's healthy. Hi, I'm Dr. Leo Spaceman. I'm a working physician with a degree from the Ho Chi Minh city School of medicine.
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5
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Dr. Spaceman
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[Jack coughs] And cough. [Jack coughs again]. And cough [Jack coughs again]. Okay! Now, let's start the examination.
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6
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Dr. Spaceman
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Have I given you my new book? [He holds out a book titled "You're Doing It Wrong!"] It's about having a satisfying love life. For life!
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7
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Dr. Spaceman
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My techniques guarantee male orgasm.
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8
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Dr. Spaceman
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Ladies! What? This? No, no. I was at a costume party earlier this evening and the hostess's dog attacked me, so I had to stab it. Jack's going to be fine. But he has had a pretty serious cardiac episode. Also, I suspect he may have scurvy because he keeps asking for lemon.
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9
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Dr. Spaceman
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Good morning! Now, full disclosure: most of my experience is putting babies IN women.
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10
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Dr. Spaceman
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You just described my morning. Now, Mrs. Jordan, I've already administered the epidural, so... would you like one as well?
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11
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Dr. Spaceman
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Erectile dysfunction. It's not just a dog problem anymore. It also effects millions of men. I'm "Doctor" Leo Spaceman. For too long, erectile dysfunction has been viewed as a physical problem, and it's been treated with pills and ointments and contraptions whose straps break all too easily. But couldn't the real cause of E.D. be that we haven't produced a good "doing it" song since "Close The Door" by Teddy Pendergrass? That's why I recorded an album.
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12
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Dr. Spaceman
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[singing] Baby, let's take it slow. You know we've got all night, light some candles, draw a bath, and start off with full-on intercourse.
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13
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Dr. Spaceman
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Guaranteed to end erectile dysfunction, these are the sweet sounds of Dr. Leo Spaceman's "Love Storm." An ultra-strength audio re-boneulator.
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14
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Dr. Spaceman
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One more ''peow'' and... donezies.
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15
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Dr. Spaceman
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I'm sure it did. This machine is a genuine... LASIG? Hm, curious. Here. Can you read the top line over there?
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16
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Dr. Spaceman
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Well, why not? So frustrating. But at least I heard it from a friend. So while we're here, what else do you want to do? Face burn? Bone morph? Mouth peel?
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17
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Dr. Spaceman
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Really? I think you mean radio.
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18
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Dr. Spaceman
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You seem nervous. I could give you something for that. Ah, but you know what? I'm not supposed to have sex with my patients.
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19
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Dr. Spaceman
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Excellent. [sees Pete off] My God, Jenna, are you pregnant? How? Did you go swimming in a public pool?
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20
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Dr. Spaceman
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Well that's redundant. All pregnancies are hysterical. They're started by penises.
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21
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Dr. Spaceman
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All right, now that the popsicle's melted we've got ourselves a tongue depressor.
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22
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Dr. Spaceman
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Ah they're nothing to be ashamed of. I get them from prostitutes.
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23
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Dr. Spaceman
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Sounds like you could use a little R&R. Rum and Ritalin.
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24
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Dr. Spaceman
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There are four things I want to do this summer, but they're roommates so it's tricky. All right, here's a prescription for your cold sores and here's a blank one for the weekend. Now one final thing. Why aren't you wearing pants?
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25
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Dr. Spaceman
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Other doctor? That's my brother Randy. Tomorrow he's going to jail for the rest of his life. Good one, Randy! Hey you want to go to Taco Bell for lunch?
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26
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Dr. Spaceman
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If a patient's friend runs into the operating room and yells at you, you have to stop. It's the Doctor's Code.
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