Jonathan's Top 23 Quotes

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1 Jonathan Exactly. I penciled you in for 3:00. This conversation never happened.
2 Jonathan Liz distracted me?
3 Jonathan Sir, l have all the latest ''Seinfeld-Vision'' promos.
4 Jonathan Hmmmm, let me see. Oh, I have my master list of staff birthdays right here. Oh no! I seem to have forgotten to put you on it.
5 Jonathan Oh ho ho, are you turning a thousand?
6 Jonathan [gasps with excitement, then sees Liz] Get out of here! He is pitching a no hitter!
7 Jonathan Because you have so many unsolvable problems. Like your mouth. Looks like somebody kicked a hole in a bag of flour.
8 Jonathan Ew, Jack, gross! Come on! I just want to see him and I can't get a cab because Greece is playing Pakistan in soccer.
9 Jonathan I hate her, sir!
10 Jonathan I'm sorry I was late this morning, sir. I was attacked in my apartment --
11 Jonathan It's not your fault nobody watched America's Next Top Black Guy.
12 Jonathan I thought you said you didn't need any more friends.
13 Jonathan My generation never votes. It interferes with talking about ourselves all the time.
14 Jonathan Happy New Year! Congratulations on getting married, sir. I know I didn't deserve to be invited, so I thought I would give you your gift now.
15 Jonathan I'm sorry, sir. There's a minor janitor problem. I apologize for letting a Kashmiri into your office.
16 Jonathan [Jonathan speaking Hindi]: Five Minutes?! Popes and princes count their Donaghy time in seconds!
17 Jonathan It's all happening so fast! We haven't even given this plan a code name.
18 Jonathan No, sir, I don't understand. Maybe we're the last people on earth. Maybe we are legend. You're Will Smith and I'm the dog. You're Will Smith and I'm the dog.
19 Jonathan As you know, on New Year's, I finally met my birth parents. So thank you... for asking about that.
20 Jonathan He's the best gift giver in the world. I tried once. I bought him a $95 bottle of olive oil. In return, he got my sister out of a North Korean jail.
21 Jonathan You will never match him. And I'll be here next year to take you off of that list. Even if I get into law school, I won't go.
22 Jonathan Sir, a Mr. Adouche is on the phone? I.M. Adouche?
23 Jonathan Sir, you need to see this, even if it ruins whatever you had planned for secretary's day, like a poem you wrote for me or whatever.