Jonathan's Top 24 Quotes

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1 Jonathan He's the best gift giver in the world. I tried once. I bought him a $95 bottle of olive oil. In return, he got my sister out of a North Korean jail.
2 Jonathan Happy New Year! Congratulations on getting married, sir. I know I didn't deserve to be invited, so I thought I would give you your gift now.
3 Jonathan Oh ho ho, are you turning a thousand?
4 Jonathan Hmmmm, let me see. Oh, I have my master list of staff birthdays right here. Oh no! I seem to have forgotten to put you on it.
5 Jonathan [Indian accent] I will go get her, sir. A thousand apologies!
6 Jonathan Sir, a Mr. Adouche is on the phone? I.M. Adouche?
7 Jonathan Because you have so many unsolvable problems. Like your mouth. Looks like somebody kicked a hole in a bag of flour.
8 Jonathan Ew, Jack, gross! Come on! I just want to see him and I can't get a cab because Greece is playing Pakistan in soccer.
9 Jonathan As you know, on New Year's, I finally met my birth parents. So thank you... for asking about that.
10 Jonathan My generation never votes. It interferes with talking about ourselves all the time.
11 Jonathan I thought you said you didn't need any more friends.
12 Jonathan It's not your fault nobody watched America's Next Top Black Guy.
13 Jonathan I hate her, sir!
14 Jonathan Sir, you need to see this, even if it ruins whatever you had planned for secretary's day, like a poem you wrote for me or whatever.
15 Jonathan I'm sorry, sir. There's a minor janitor problem. I apologize for letting a Kashmiri into your office.
16 Jonathan You will never match him. And I'll be here next year to take you off of that list. Even if I get into law school, I won't go.
17 Jonathan It's all happening so fast! We haven't even given this plan a code name.
18 Jonathan I'm sorry I was late this morning, sir. I was attacked in my apartment --
19 Jonathan Exactly. I penciled you in for 3:00. This conversation never happened.
20 Jonathan Sir, l have all the latest ''Seinfeld-Vision'' promos.
21 Jonathan No, sir, I don't understand. Maybe we're the last people on earth. Maybe we are legend. You're Will Smith and I'm the dog. You're Will Smith and I'm the dog.
22 Jonathan [Jonathan speaking Hindi]: Five Minutes?! Popes and princes count their Donaghy time in seconds!
23 Jonathan [gasps with excitement, then sees Liz] Get out of here! He is pitching a no hitter!
24 Jonathan Liz distracted me?