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Share
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Position
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Name
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Quote
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1
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Jonathan
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He's the best gift giver in the world. I tried once. I bought him a $95 bottle of olive oil. In return, he got my sister out of a North Korean jail.
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2
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Jonathan
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Happy New Year! Congratulations on getting married, sir. I know I didn't deserve to be invited, so I thought I would give you your gift now.
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3
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Jonathan
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Oh ho ho, are you turning a thousand?
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4
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Jonathan
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Hmmmm, let me see. Oh, I have my master list of staff birthdays right here. Oh no! I seem to have forgotten to put you on it.
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5
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Jonathan
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[Indian accent] I will go get her, sir. A thousand apologies!
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6
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Jonathan
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Sir, a Mr. Adouche is on the phone? I.M. Adouche?
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7
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Jonathan
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Because you have so many unsolvable problems. Like your mouth. Looks like somebody kicked a hole in a bag of flour.
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8
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Jonathan
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Ew, Jack, gross! Come on! I just want to see him and I can't get a cab because Greece is playing Pakistan in soccer.
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9
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Jonathan
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As you know, on New Year's, I finally met my birth parents. So thank you... for asking about that.
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10
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Jonathan
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My generation never votes. It interferes with talking about ourselves all the time.
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11
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Jonathan
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I thought you said you didn't need any more friends.
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12
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Jonathan
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It's not your fault nobody watched America's Next Top Black Guy.
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13
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Jonathan
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I hate her, sir!
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14
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Jonathan
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Sir, you need to see this, even if it ruins whatever you had planned for secretary's day, like a poem you wrote for me or whatever.
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15
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Jonathan
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I'm sorry, sir. There's a minor janitor problem. I apologize for letting a Kashmiri into your office.
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16
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Jonathan
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You will never match him. And I'll be here next year to take you off of that list. Even if I get into law school, I won't go.
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17
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Jonathan
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It's all happening so fast! We haven't even given this plan a code name.
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18
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Jonathan
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I'm sorry I was late this morning, sir. I was attacked in my apartment --
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19
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Jonathan
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Exactly. I penciled you in for 3:00. This conversation never happened.
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20
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Jonathan
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Sir, l have all the latest ''Seinfeld-Vision'' promos.
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21
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Jonathan
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No, sir, I don't understand. Maybe we're the last people on earth. Maybe we are legend. You're Will Smith and I'm the dog. You're Will Smith and I'm the dog.
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22
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Jonathan
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[Jonathan speaking Hindi]: Five Minutes?! Popes and princes count their Donaghy time in seconds!
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23
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Jonathan
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[gasps with excitement, then sees Liz] Get out of here! He is pitching a no hitter!
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24
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Jonathan
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Liz distracted me?
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